Saturday, December 25, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Major break through...
[caption id="attachment_5976" align="alignleft" width="293" caption="Alice's Dad wins $73,000 in Lottery"]
[/caption]
Tonight was a turning point in my life. Major.{{{*}}}
Since Kona, actually since Lake Placid, I've lost my motivation. Truth be told, I'd never really known what my motivation has been to even get to Kona or succeed in business. Until tonight.
I was so tired tonight, all I wanted to do was sleep. Instead I went for a run. The beauty was it was around 6:30 pm and no one was on the streets, no was was walking their dog. Which was a great moment.
As I ran, I thought of a lot of things. Number one was my parents. I want nothing to do with them.
Since May I no longer communicate with my parents and there hasn't been a training session that I haven't ruminated about it. They have been beyond hurtful. It's not the type of situation where I even want to make up. I've taken the dutiful son leadership forgiveness too many times only to be hurt again. At this stage of my life, I just want to erase them from my memory altogether and move on.
Since Kona, actually since Lake Placid when I qualified for Kona, I've noticeably lost my motivation on most every level. I didn't know why until tonight. Alice helped me figure it out.
I lost my motivation because I lost my the internal fire I used to drive myself to succeed for my entire life. I used negative motivation given from my parents to drive myself forward. This year was a break out for me on every level and I accomplished two very significant goals, one in business and the other athletically. It was the year I proved my parents wrong, saw them for the true people they are and I succeeded in spite of them.
That negative driving motivation I used for 45 years is now gone, it's over, and I've never been in this head-space before. Frankly, until tonight I've been feeling lost, like a ship without a sail or rudder.
To put things in perspective about the negative motivation, when I did my first Ironman, afterwards, and only recently did my father tell me he was scared because I was so elated when I finished, he thought I lost it. I found that strange to hear, your son finishes an Ironman and you're scared by his elated behaviour after accomplishing a monumental goal.
Then when I started my comeback he commented he always remembered me as average or not that good at triathlons. I always considered myself above average in my mind, especially if I trained. I realized he may have come and watched some of the races but he had no idea of who I was inside. I remember when he told me this, I got angry inside and told myself, "I'm going to prove him wrong, he has no idea how good I am". Fast forward four years and made it to Kona on merit.
Without going into Gorey detail, I have parent issues and the physical and mental abuse they gave me and my brother as kids were severe. Even in later life when I would talk to them about it, they never once apologized. They always said that was the era. I've come to believe that's a bullshit and cowardly thing to say. To this day they still think what they did was okay.
Since May, when my father and I had "scorched earth issues" over his scumbag treatment of me over the business we shared for 20 years, which then in turn got me thinking about all the other scumbag things he's done to me over my life that I forgave, I haven't spoken to him as father son since, and nor will I ever again.
Some may think it's sad that a father and son are not close, I'm comfortable with it. I don't believe it can nor should be repaired. He's loved and respected by others, but not me any longer. The sad part is he cares more what others think of him than what his own family thinks of him.
What's bothered me until tonight is I can't stop thinking about them. I can't stop thinking about how heartless my parents have been and continue to be and how much it's been bothering me. To them silence is a head-game, to me it's a reply. Don't get me wrong, I have no desire to make up with them and if not for my kids, I wouldn't care if I never saw them again. What's been bothering me is why I get them out of my head, every single training session I ruminate about it and I get angrier and angrier about them.
I was freed tonight. I realized my motivation for the first 45 years of my life was to prove them wrong, to succeed in spite of them. I've done that. I lived through their little house of horrors as a kid and survived. I've done a decent job raising my kids and have never hit them. I ran a business for 20-years and successfully sold it. I've struggled and overcome the demons of being bipolar. I topped it off by qualifying and finishing the Ironman World Championships in Kona.
They've never come close to accomplishing what I've accomplished.
What's been bothering me is after succeeding in spite of them and using them as my motivation, I lost my mojo.
Until tonight I didn't realize why. Then I realized I lost my internal fire to succeed. I beat both of them at their game. No longer do I care what they think. I was motivated to show them that I was better then them and I did.
What's my motivation now? What energy am I now going to draw on to succeed?
I've been struggling greatly over those questions. Last night Alice suggested giving me two suitcase full of heavy bricks and throwing them into Lake Ontario to get rid of my baggage. It sounded good, but still didn't lift my spirits. We talked more.
The answer then unfolded. When I met Alice at 16 years old and then finished that first Ironman at 19 years old, her Dad, who is a Saint, cut the picture of me out of the local paper and put it on the wall in his workshop, right in front of where he sat. For 15 years before he died, he looked at that picture of me finishing every day. The picture that showed how elated I was at the finish, the photo that scared my dad.
Alice's dad was older, he was an athlete in his prime, he was a farmer. Alice's dad would have looked at that picture and put the distances that I raced internally into perspective compared to distances he could understand. That's why he was impressed enough to post it. The funny part was I wasn't even married to Alice at the time, I was just the boyfriend and he still proudly displayed that picture.
Alices parents were the real deal, gentle and all loving. When I was kicked out of the house at 18 years old, Alices mom co-signed for my first apartment. She didn't even know me well, I was just her daughters boyfriend. She believed in me enough to put her name on the line and only had the lower paying job of "lunch lady" at the high school. She couldn't afford to lose money.
When Alice's dad won some lottery money, I was the first person he called and I went down with him to pick up his check.
Before I go any further, Alice's parents were Saints and Alice was the greatest mistake they ever made. They were older and died around 10 years ago, her dad was 79 year old. They were the most loving two individuals I've ever met. Their last name was MACKELSON.
For the first 45 years of my life, I've been motivated to prove the PAYNE'S wrong. I've been motivated by spite. My new motivation is to prove the MACKELSON'S right. My new driving motivation is going to be out of love. I want to make them prouder than I'm sure they already are.
Until tonight, I was wondering what would ever get me through a 100-mile run or a triple Ironman and now I know, the Mackelsons. Alices's dad had a farm and he had his finger cut while working in the crops. He was under time pressures and decided against going to the hospital. Instead he finished is work to make sure there was food on the table and lost the tip of his finger in the process.
That's the type of spirit and strength very few people have. He was selfless and determined. I know when the going gets tough this year, I'll be thinking of him on that tractor getting the fields done with his finger wrapped up and bleeding. These two races and what I do with the rest of my life are going to be in the Mackelson's honour.
My motivation moving into the next 45 years of my life is "not to prove the Payne's wrong" or out of spite, it's "to prove the Mackelson's right" and out of love.
The next time I ride my bike I will paste pictures of each of them on my bike aerobars and above my desk I'll do the same. The journey of Bryan Payne 2.0 begins.
Thanks Alice.
Tempo Run - 43:15 / 8.15 km / 5:19 pace
[/caption]
Tonight was a turning point in my life. Major.{{{*}}}Since Kona, actually since Lake Placid, I've lost my motivation. Truth be told, I'd never really known what my motivation has been to even get to Kona or succeed in business. Until tonight.
I was so tired tonight, all I wanted to do was sleep. Instead I went for a run. The beauty was it was around 6:30 pm and no one was on the streets, no was was walking their dog. Which was a great moment.
As I ran, I thought of a lot of things. Number one was my parents. I want nothing to do with them.
Since May I no longer communicate with my parents and there hasn't been a training session that I haven't ruminated about it. They have been beyond hurtful. It's not the type of situation where I even want to make up. I've taken the dutiful son leadership forgiveness too many times only to be hurt again. At this stage of my life, I just want to erase them from my memory altogether and move on.
Since Kona, actually since Lake Placid when I qualified for Kona, I've noticeably lost my motivation on most every level. I didn't know why until tonight. Alice helped me figure it out.
I lost my motivation because I lost my the internal fire I used to drive myself to succeed for my entire life. I used negative motivation given from my parents to drive myself forward. This year was a break out for me on every level and I accomplished two very significant goals, one in business and the other athletically. It was the year I proved my parents wrong, saw them for the true people they are and I succeeded in spite of them.
That negative driving motivation I used for 45 years is now gone, it's over, and I've never been in this head-space before. Frankly, until tonight I've been feeling lost, like a ship without a sail or rudder.
To put things in perspective about the negative motivation, when I did my first Ironman, afterwards, and only recently did my father tell me he was scared because I was so elated when I finished, he thought I lost it. I found that strange to hear, your son finishes an Ironman and you're scared by his elated behaviour after accomplishing a monumental goal.
Then when I started my comeback he commented he always remembered me as average or not that good at triathlons. I always considered myself above average in my mind, especially if I trained. I realized he may have come and watched some of the races but he had no idea of who I was inside. I remember when he told me this, I got angry inside and told myself, "I'm going to prove him wrong, he has no idea how good I am". Fast forward four years and made it to Kona on merit.
Without going into Gorey detail, I have parent issues and the physical and mental abuse they gave me and my brother as kids were severe. Even in later life when I would talk to them about it, they never once apologized. They always said that was the era. I've come to believe that's a bullshit and cowardly thing to say. To this day they still think what they did was okay.
Since May, when my father and I had "scorched earth issues" over his scumbag treatment of me over the business we shared for 20 years, which then in turn got me thinking about all the other scumbag things he's done to me over my life that I forgave, I haven't spoken to him as father son since, and nor will I ever again.
Some may think it's sad that a father and son are not close, I'm comfortable with it. I don't believe it can nor should be repaired. He's loved and respected by others, but not me any longer. The sad part is he cares more what others think of him than what his own family thinks of him.
What's bothered me until tonight is I can't stop thinking about them. I can't stop thinking about how heartless my parents have been and continue to be and how much it's been bothering me. To them silence is a head-game, to me it's a reply. Don't get me wrong, I have no desire to make up with them and if not for my kids, I wouldn't care if I never saw them again. What's been bothering me is why I get them out of my head, every single training session I ruminate about it and I get angrier and angrier about them.
I was freed tonight. I realized my motivation for the first 45 years of my life was to prove them wrong, to succeed in spite of them. I've done that. I lived through their little house of horrors as a kid and survived. I've done a decent job raising my kids and have never hit them. I ran a business for 20-years and successfully sold it. I've struggled and overcome the demons of being bipolar. I topped it off by qualifying and finishing the Ironman World Championships in Kona.
They've never come close to accomplishing what I've accomplished.
What's been bothering me is after succeeding in spite of them and using them as my motivation, I lost my mojo.
Until tonight I didn't realize why. Then I realized I lost my internal fire to succeed. I beat both of them at their game. No longer do I care what they think. I was motivated to show them that I was better then them and I did.
What's my motivation now? What energy am I now going to draw on to succeed?
I've been struggling greatly over those questions. Last night Alice suggested giving me two suitcase full of heavy bricks and throwing them into Lake Ontario to get rid of my baggage. It sounded good, but still didn't lift my spirits. We talked more.
The answer then unfolded. When I met Alice at 16 years old and then finished that first Ironman at 19 years old, her Dad, who is a Saint, cut the picture of me out of the local paper and put it on the wall in his workshop, right in front of where he sat. For 15 years before he died, he looked at that picture of me finishing every day. The picture that showed how elated I was at the finish, the photo that scared my dad.
Alice's dad was older, he was an athlete in his prime, he was a farmer. Alice's dad would have looked at that picture and put the distances that I raced internally into perspective compared to distances he could understand. That's why he was impressed enough to post it. The funny part was I wasn't even married to Alice at the time, I was just the boyfriend and he still proudly displayed that picture.
Alices parents were the real deal, gentle and all loving. When I was kicked out of the house at 18 years old, Alices mom co-signed for my first apartment. She didn't even know me well, I was just her daughters boyfriend. She believed in me enough to put her name on the line and only had the lower paying job of "lunch lady" at the high school. She couldn't afford to lose money.
When Alice's dad won some lottery money, I was the first person he called and I went down with him to pick up his check.
Before I go any further, Alice's parents were Saints and Alice was the greatest mistake they ever made. They were older and died around 10 years ago, her dad was 79 year old. They were the most loving two individuals I've ever met. Their last name was MACKELSON.
For the first 45 years of my life, I've been motivated to prove the PAYNE'S wrong. I've been motivated by spite. My new motivation is to prove the MACKELSON'S right. My new driving motivation is going to be out of love. I want to make them prouder than I'm sure they already are.
Until tonight, I was wondering what would ever get me through a 100-mile run or a triple Ironman and now I know, the Mackelsons. Alices's dad had a farm and he had his finger cut while working in the crops. He was under time pressures and decided against going to the hospital. Instead he finished is work to make sure there was food on the table and lost the tip of his finger in the process.
That's the type of spirit and strength very few people have. He was selfless and determined. I know when the going gets tough this year, I'll be thinking of him on that tractor getting the fields done with his finger wrapped up and bleeding. These two races and what I do with the rest of my life are going to be in the Mackelson's honour.
My motivation moving into the next 45 years of my life is "not to prove the Payne's wrong" or out of spite, it's "to prove the Mackelson's right" and out of love.
The next time I ride my bike I will paste pictures of each of them on my bike aerobars and above my desk I'll do the same. The journey of Bryan Payne 2.0 begins.
Thanks Alice.
Tempo Run - 43:15 / 8.15 km / 5:19 pace
Thursday, December 23, 2010
A mans resolve...
Yesterday was an awesome day. One I won't soon forget, at least not for a couple of weeks.We had Alice's birthday, which was special. We hung out with Barb and Jamie at the Pig & Whistle and then went out with them for dinner and had more fun. Yesterday all caution was thrown to the wind with respect to food, booze and maturity. It was the best.
For every action there is a equal and opposite reaction and this morning was the being of my paying for my sins. I felt like crap. I had pig-out remorse. I can't remember the last time I've eaten so much crap food, I don't know if I ever have. I could feel myself getting fatter as I was eating it.
It was hard to log in that food into my online diary without feeling sick to my stomach. The damage was as follows, I ate 7138 total calories and had only 1 hour of exercise, which netted out to 5048 calories more than my body needed for the day. That's about 1.5 lbs of net weight gain{{{*}}}
This morning I didn't even have the energy to shower and it was a work out of the pajama's for the entire day. Working from home is one benefit in making that possible and still getting a good performance review. Last night I promised Jamie I wouldn't complain about my overeating and feeling fat, but that was just for yesterdays post. I made no commitment about today's post.
What's most amazing about overeating and over drinking is how it immediately effects your motivation the following day. Yesterday I was highly motivated to train and today I was dreading the thought. In fact, I started playing some head games with myself saying, "Hey, it's Christmas, why don't you just pig out guilt free with booze and food and then start healthy living January 2nd?". It was one compelling argument. After all, "Don't I deserve it and who'd argue the logic?".
All I had to do was pour one beer today and it was game over, my commitment to negative momentum would have been solidified. The one thing about momentum is it continues in it's current form. If you start doing positive behaviour you'll get positive momentum. If you start negative momentum you'll get negative momentum. The hardest thing to do is change gears from negative to positive momentum.
The only thing that prevented me from continuing my self-destructive behaviour was thinking about the consequences. It would just mean more of an uphill battle to lose more weight in the New Year. I was also inspired to not go to the dark side by reading Matty-O's post about him coming home last night in a drunken state and making himself a baby win by getting on the trainer and doing 10 minutes even though he didn't feel like it.
It would have been so easy to blow off today's ride, after all, I had negative momentum. One of the things I've found over the years is it is hard to gain excessive weight if you train and over-eat. Thinking of that benefit helped me reverse the negative gravitational pull I was under.
As a sidebar, don't get me wrong, you'll still gain weight if you overeat, just not as much when you train while doing it.
A baby win I had today was I ate like a saint, other than a few handful of potato chips I had for lunch. My dinner was a responsible portion of chicken breast and pasta, oh, and a bag of cherries as a snack. I love cherries, they prevent gout.
I considered today's eating a decent win. I ate a total of 1267 calories, burnt an hour on the bike and had a 2152 calorie deficit. About .75 lb weight loss. Logging calories is definitely helpful in keeping things real and not over-reacting.
I struggled all day with my negative motivation and decided to go for the baby exercise win, even if it was 10 minutes on the bike. I changed into my cycling clothes and hit the bike trainer. One-hour later I was done and then had a GREAT stretching session. I was back on my way to positive momentum.
Watching You Tube videos on how to use my Canon 7 D to shoot video helped pass the time. I learnt I didn't know what I was doing. If I had You Tube as a kid I'd never have went to school. I can learn more in 5 minutes watching a-nobody on You Tube show me something than what I could get out of a two hour course. The best part is I can change the channel if they suck.
I'll put today in the win column. Yesterday was in the big win column, just not regarding healthy living.
Tempo Bike - 1:04:12 / 31.16 km / 29.12 kph avg / 140 avg hr
1267 calories eaten
188.6 lbs after my bike ride
186.6 lbs after yesterdays run.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Deja vu everywhere I look...
[caption id="attachment_5930" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Where have I seen this pic before...."]
[caption id="attachment_5934" align="alignleft" width="224" caption="Reid the Terrorist"]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_5935" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="What smells like fish???"]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_5936" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Breeding fish and beef..."]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_5937" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Part way through appetizer"]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_5938" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="100% PURE FAT -So damn tasty..."]
[/caption]
First an foremost, today is Alice's birthday. Happy Birthday Alice.
Today was another day of feeling great, that's now two in a row.
I woke up feeling awesome, motivated and ready to tackle the day. Around lunchtime I went for a run.
I don't know what it is, but there is something in the air about "personal change" going on right now.
I know I've been feeling it for the past couple of months and almost stopped blogging because of it.
I then read Matty O's blog post yesterday and he too is going through something similar. It's either similar or aliens have assumed Matty-O's body. Which is entirely possible, his better half Heather is a NASA scientist and has access and opportunity.
As I ran, I was listening to a podcast from a very successful podcaster who's decided to leave the public eye and is re-evaluating his life priorities. He decided to unplug. He even went out and got a tattoo.
One of my close friends, near the same age as me, who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent, is experiencing the same feelings. We are both re-evaluating our priorities.
I guess you can call it a mid-life crisis, maybe. The reason I say maybe is I'm not sure you have to be middle-aged to go through it.
I think revaluation of ones life, priorities and direction is healthy. We all do things for one reason or another at certain points in our life and then one day wake up and say, "hey, somethings not right, I feel like I need a change".
This year, more so than any other year, I've noticed many more people than normal taking stock in their personal situations. Myself very much included.
Before I talk about the highlight of my day, which was Alice's Birthday, I want to say I almost got hit by a car on my run today. I was running across a 4-way stop and a car didn't stop for me and when the women driving saw me and kept driving.
To put it in perspective, she was so close that I slowed down to almost a stop and with the palm of my hand hit her back window with incredible force. I'm sure it must have sounded like a gun went off inside her car. I loved it. I sure hope her and her passenger where embarrassed. I know for sure she would have looked to see if anything was broken or dented on the car when she got home.{{{*}}}
I was so mad that I fantasized about her getting her husband and finding me and me not saying one word when he asked what happened. I was ready just to assume the fighting stance and let the chips fall where they may. I was pissed.
Enough negative stuff, now I want to talk about the important things in life. Today was Alice's birthday and I could hardly wait to give her her present. For the 94% of you that answered the survey on the side of the blog, "Have you looked at the girls breasts below", please get your mind out of the gutter. For the other 6%, you were lying when you answered no. Even if you're a chick, you still looked. In the event that you actually didn't look, then you must be the broad who almost drove into me on my run today and I now completely understand you.
The reason I was so excited to give Alice her present is because I knew she'd love it. I bought her a ring. It wasn't just any ring, it was the identical ring to the one she had stolen from the House of Payne Beer run this year.
For those that don't know the story, someone (I'm confident I know who it was) stole Alice's ring from our bedroom. It was a very special ring with great sentimental value. At first when I heard it was missing, I was in disbelief that anyone of my friends or blog buddies would steal it. I assumed she just lost it. Eventually I realized, it WAS stolen and not having it broke Alice's heart.
Of course after the beer run she said, "No one is allowed to come to our house again that we don't know" and I replied, "Don't worry, we'll get you a new ring, nicer than the one you had" and she said, "That ring was so special to me and I loved it".
Since the time it was stolen, we've looked for a replacement ring and Alice didn't find anything she liked and every time we looked, I could see it brought up painful feelings. I can't stress enough how much she loved that ring.
A couple of weeks ago I called the Jeweller in Winnipeg we got it from, they had the make and model on file and even one in stock. I ordered it and had it shipped to Jamie's house so Alice wouldn't know. The toughest part was me having to wait to give it to her, I was excited and wanted to see her expression.
To psych her out, last night I had the kids find larger boxes and wrap the ring in a series of boxes and we told her not to shake her present, that it was breakable. This morning, I told Alice to have a shower before she opened her present, I wanted to get it on video.
I'm happy to report that she loved it. In fact, it fit even better than the original ring, like it was meant to be. The only tempering to her complete happiness was the uneasy feeling knowing that the ring was not cheap and we've spent a lot of money already this year. I didn't care about the cost, she had to get her ring back.
One last comment to the person who stole the ring - "You are a scumbag", and we both know who you are.
On a lighter note, Jamie. Barb and Alix came over for birthday drinks and cigars this afternoon. Alice got beautiful flowers from Barb and a high-end cigar from Jamie. I told Alice the cigar was delicious. We all then went to the Tin Cup for dinner, another birthday gift from the Grants. (Thanks again guys, you're much to generous).
Aside from the great company, what made the night memorable was the huge amount of artery clogging food and the absolute worst service I can remember having in a restaurant in a long time. It wasn't even good enough to be punked with. I was trying to joke to the waitress that I'd like fish and chips and replace the chips with a burger. He actually didn't realize I was joking and said she couldn't replace the fries, but she could bring add a piece of fish. I said, "okay".
I'm glad I got that fish stick, it provided some family entertainment and I pretended it was my penis and then had it do the nasty with my burger. Good clean family fun. Along with stealing beer posters off the bathroom wall and Reid pretending he was a terrorist, we did some critiquing of our fellow restaurant goers. I still stand by my comment that, "that guy's not a guy, he's a girl" and I still want to know, "where does a women go to get the same hair-do that the queen has?".
When we got home it was Dairy Queen ice-cream cake time. Actually it was a third of a cake for Reid, Alice and Alyssa and the rest was for me. I was a disgusting eating machine tonight. My unhealthy eating carried over from the Restaurant.
In the restaurant, as I was eating my deep fried whale blubber, Jamie told me, "I don't want to read about how fat you feel in tomorrows post". The one take away from the disgustingly high calorie restaurant food we had was I now know what I'm going to pre-order and take with me when I do my 100-mile running race and triple Ironman next year. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised that I may even gain weight after those races.
I don't want to complain about my weight because I promised I wouldn't, but for a split second tonight, I thought of purging. I wanted to reverse the spin of the world on it's axis. In the end, I didn't purge, I was too fat and lazy. Instead, I lied on the couch and went into a wicked beer, junk restaurant food and ice-cream cake coma. I feel disgusting.
If there was a baby win today, it was that I taught Reid how to steal posters from a restaurant without getting caught. Oh, and I did go for a run and I didn't purge.
Mod Run - 1:04:30 / 12.19 km / 5:16 per km pace.
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_5943" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Now I remember where I saw that pic..."][/caption]
[caption id="attachment_5944" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Reid's new posters"][/caption]
- Alice's Birthday Present
[caption id="attachment_5934" align="alignleft" width="224" caption="Reid the Terrorist"]
[/caption][caption id="attachment_5935" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="What smells like fish???"]
[/caption][caption id="attachment_5936" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Breeding fish and beef..."]
[/caption][caption id="attachment_5937" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Part way through appetizer"]
[/caption][caption id="attachment_5938" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="100% PURE FAT -So damn tasty..."]
[/caption]First an foremost, today is Alice's birthday. Happy Birthday Alice.
Today was another day of feeling great, that's now two in a row.
I woke up feeling awesome, motivated and ready to tackle the day. Around lunchtime I went for a run.
I don't know what it is, but there is something in the air about "personal change" going on right now.
I know I've been feeling it for the past couple of months and almost stopped blogging because of it.
I then read Matty O's blog post yesterday and he too is going through something similar. It's either similar or aliens have assumed Matty-O's body. Which is entirely possible, his better half Heather is a NASA scientist and has access and opportunity.
As I ran, I was listening to a podcast from a very successful podcaster who's decided to leave the public eye and is re-evaluating his life priorities. He decided to unplug. He even went out and got a tattoo.
One of my close friends, near the same age as me, who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent, is experiencing the same feelings. We are both re-evaluating our priorities.
I guess you can call it a mid-life crisis, maybe. The reason I say maybe is I'm not sure you have to be middle-aged to go through it.
I think revaluation of ones life, priorities and direction is healthy. We all do things for one reason or another at certain points in our life and then one day wake up and say, "hey, somethings not right, I feel like I need a change".
This year, more so than any other year, I've noticed many more people than normal taking stock in their personal situations. Myself very much included.
Before I talk about the highlight of my day, which was Alice's Birthday, I want to say I almost got hit by a car on my run today. I was running across a 4-way stop and a car didn't stop for me and when the women driving saw me and kept driving.
To put it in perspective, she was so close that I slowed down to almost a stop and with the palm of my hand hit her back window with incredible force. I'm sure it must have sounded like a gun went off inside her car. I loved it. I sure hope her and her passenger where embarrassed. I know for sure she would have looked to see if anything was broken or dented on the car when she got home.{{{*}}}
I was so mad that I fantasized about her getting her husband and finding me and me not saying one word when he asked what happened. I was ready just to assume the fighting stance and let the chips fall where they may. I was pissed.
Enough negative stuff, now I want to talk about the important things in life. Today was Alice's birthday and I could hardly wait to give her her present. For the 94% of you that answered the survey on the side of the blog, "Have you looked at the girls breasts below", please get your mind out of the gutter. For the other 6%, you were lying when you answered no. Even if you're a chick, you still looked. In the event that you actually didn't look, then you must be the broad who almost drove into me on my run today and I now completely understand you.
The reason I was so excited to give Alice her present is because I knew she'd love it. I bought her a ring. It wasn't just any ring, it was the identical ring to the one she had stolen from the House of Payne Beer run this year.
For those that don't know the story, someone (I'm confident I know who it was) stole Alice's ring from our bedroom. It was a very special ring with great sentimental value. At first when I heard it was missing, I was in disbelief that anyone of my friends or blog buddies would steal it. I assumed she just lost it. Eventually I realized, it WAS stolen and not having it broke Alice's heart.
Of course after the beer run she said, "No one is allowed to come to our house again that we don't know" and I replied, "Don't worry, we'll get you a new ring, nicer than the one you had" and she said, "That ring was so special to me and I loved it".
Since the time it was stolen, we've looked for a replacement ring and Alice didn't find anything she liked and every time we looked, I could see it brought up painful feelings. I can't stress enough how much she loved that ring.
A couple of weeks ago I called the Jeweller in Winnipeg we got it from, they had the make and model on file and even one in stock. I ordered it and had it shipped to Jamie's house so Alice wouldn't know. The toughest part was me having to wait to give it to her, I was excited and wanted to see her expression.
To psych her out, last night I had the kids find larger boxes and wrap the ring in a series of boxes and we told her not to shake her present, that it was breakable. This morning, I told Alice to have a shower before she opened her present, I wanted to get it on video.
I'm happy to report that she loved it. In fact, it fit even better than the original ring, like it was meant to be. The only tempering to her complete happiness was the uneasy feeling knowing that the ring was not cheap and we've spent a lot of money already this year. I didn't care about the cost, she had to get her ring back.
One last comment to the person who stole the ring - "You are a scumbag", and we both know who you are.
On a lighter note, Jamie. Barb and Alix came over for birthday drinks and cigars this afternoon. Alice got beautiful flowers from Barb and a high-end cigar from Jamie. I told Alice the cigar was delicious. We all then went to the Tin Cup for dinner, another birthday gift from the Grants. (Thanks again guys, you're much to generous).
Aside from the great company, what made the night memorable was the huge amount of artery clogging food and the absolute worst service I can remember having in a restaurant in a long time. It wasn't even good enough to be punked with. I was trying to joke to the waitress that I'd like fish and chips and replace the chips with a burger. He actually didn't realize I was joking and said she couldn't replace the fries, but she could bring add a piece of fish. I said, "okay".
I'm glad I got that fish stick, it provided some family entertainment and I pretended it was my penis and then had it do the nasty with my burger. Good clean family fun. Along with stealing beer posters off the bathroom wall and Reid pretending he was a terrorist, we did some critiquing of our fellow restaurant goers. I still stand by my comment that, "that guy's not a guy, he's a girl" and I still want to know, "where does a women go to get the same hair-do that the queen has?".
When we got home it was Dairy Queen ice-cream cake time. Actually it was a third of a cake for Reid, Alice and Alyssa and the rest was for me. I was a disgusting eating machine tonight. My unhealthy eating carried over from the Restaurant.
In the restaurant, as I was eating my deep fried whale blubber, Jamie told me, "I don't want to read about how fat you feel in tomorrows post". The one take away from the disgustingly high calorie restaurant food we had was I now know what I'm going to pre-order and take with me when I do my 100-mile running race and triple Ironman next year. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised that I may even gain weight after those races.
I don't want to complain about my weight because I promised I wouldn't, but for a split second tonight, I thought of purging. I wanted to reverse the spin of the world on it's axis. In the end, I didn't purge, I was too fat and lazy. Instead, I lied on the couch and went into a wicked beer, junk restaurant food and ice-cream cake coma. I feel disgusting.
If there was a baby win today, it was that I taught Reid how to steal posters from a restaurant without getting caught. Oh, and I did go for a run and I didn't purge.
Mod Run - 1:04:30 / 12.19 km / 5:16 per km pace.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
1000 miles into my victory lap...
[caption id="attachment_5920" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Stats for the last 3.5 years of Training"]
[/caption]
For the past three days, I've been in a major funk and I've really appreciated all the supportive comments from my blog buddies.
This morning I woke up and the minute I opened my eyes I felt like a new man. It was like a huge weight was lifted. My mood had switched from night to day and I couldn't believe how quickly it shifted.
I got a call from Al Nolan this morning, asking me how I was doing. He was reading the blog and saw I was in a funk. He had some really supportive words of wisdom on a couple of levels.
I can't stress enough how the support I've gotten through friends and the blog community has been great. Today after reading all the uplifting comments I said to myself, "this is perhaps the greatest benefit of having a blog, the support network".
Today was a big day, I completed my 2009/2010 blog book. I should say my TWO books. This year the posts were much longer and I laid out the pictures larger this year. Each book documents 6 months and between the two there is a total of 880 pages.
Off and on its taken me about 40 - 50 hours to prepare the books and I think this year they are going to be my best work. This is my third season creating a book from my blog posts and I keep getting better each year. It was really cool laying out the book and re-living the experiences. Some of the things that happened this year seemed like a lifetime ago. I also realized I'm most of the time on the go doing something.
The last thing I had to do before I could submit the books online to Blurb was put together this years training stats. The numbers were interesting, they include 12 months from December 1st, 2009 to November 30th 2010. The detailed spreadsheet is my picture of the day. Some of the highlights included:{{{*}}}
Total Yearly Mileage this year:
Swimming - 203.6 km / 126.23 miles
Biking - 10727.99 km / 6651.26 miles
Running - 2080.87 km / 1290.14 miles
Gym - 40 visits
Total Distance - 13,012.46 km / 8067.73 miles
Calories burnt - 575,782
Beers (11 months) - 1454 (avg 121.16 per month)
I also did a calculation of all the training mileage I've done since my 2007 comeback and it turns out I've circled the earth once and I'm 1726.06 km's into my second trip around the world. I like to call it my first victory lap, with more to follow.
Since 2007 my total mileage has been
Swimming - 865.22 km / 536.44 miles
Biking - 33333.45 km / 20666.74 miles
Running - 7602.60 km / 4713.61 miles
Total Distance - 41801.22 km / 25916.76 miles
(the earth at the equator is 40075.16 km / 24901.55 miles)
Beer consumption - 5313.75 (12 oz bottles)
The number that shocked me the most was the amount of money I spent on triathlons this year. I put together a semi-close calculation and included the cost of the flights which were paid for on air miles. The numbers were staggeringly high. I asked Alice if she wanted to know the total and she said, "NO".
Total triathlon related expenses this year were $37,351. To put that in perspective it worked out to $2.87 per km or $4.63 per mile. Who says gas is expensive? If you really want to spend money, train for and travel to four Ironmans in one year. Actually the total is probably even higher, I just paid Blurb $100 per book and made a copy for Reid and Alyssa, with shipping it was $500.
If you want to check out the books to see what they look like and what you can do with your blog, check out my book store and you can flip through all the pages, click here and go to http://www.blurb.com/user/store/brybrarobry. If I ever took a picture of you, you're probably in there somewhere.
The other crazy stat was this WASN'T my biggest training year. That really surprised me, I though for sure it would be. It turns out that 2007/2008 when I did my first Ironman in 16 years was the most mileage at 13834.24 kms and that got me a 11:06 in Louisville in 93 F heat. It was also a lot less expensive that year, it only cost me $1.02 per km or $1.64 per mile.
On the beer front, I did set a PB this year. I averaged 121.16 beers per month and surpassing last years record of 118.69 beers per month. What made this stat more remarkable was I even took 2 months off from drinking while I trained for China.
Weight wise, I was 219.6 in Sept 2006, 189.4 in Sept 2007, 182.6 in Oct 2008, 185.2 in Oct 2009 and 187.8 in Nov 2010.
The one thing I'm most thankful for is documenting the journey through the blog and keeping track of my stats. The numbers really put things in perspective on so many levels. I wouldn't believe them if I didn't see them.
The one stat that's most amazing is I've put in over 41,800 kms of training and have fluctuated between 4 lbs since September 2007. Heck, with that type of mileage I figured I would have at least lost some decent weight. Actually, now that I think about it, I probably would have lost at least 10 lbs if my beer consumptions was less.
Training wise, tonight I didn't do any as planned. Instead, I took the kids out birthday and Christmas shopping for Alice. Tomorrow is her birthday, she's 1 month and 1 day younger than me. I joke she married an older man. We didn't get back until after 10 pm and it was fun watching the kids yell and love each other as they bought the presents and then wrapped the presents. It was a lot of fun hanging out with them.
No Training - Christmas Shopping.
[/caption]For the past three days, I've been in a major funk and I've really appreciated all the supportive comments from my blog buddies.
This morning I woke up and the minute I opened my eyes I felt like a new man. It was like a huge weight was lifted. My mood had switched from night to day and I couldn't believe how quickly it shifted.
I got a call from Al Nolan this morning, asking me how I was doing. He was reading the blog and saw I was in a funk. He had some really supportive words of wisdom on a couple of levels.
I can't stress enough how the support I've gotten through friends and the blog community has been great. Today after reading all the uplifting comments I said to myself, "this is perhaps the greatest benefit of having a blog, the support network".
Today was a big day, I completed my 2009/2010 blog book. I should say my TWO books. This year the posts were much longer and I laid out the pictures larger this year. Each book documents 6 months and between the two there is a total of 880 pages.
Off and on its taken me about 40 - 50 hours to prepare the books and I think this year they are going to be my best work. This is my third season creating a book from my blog posts and I keep getting better each year. It was really cool laying out the book and re-living the experiences. Some of the things that happened this year seemed like a lifetime ago. I also realized I'm most of the time on the go doing something.
The last thing I had to do before I could submit the books online to Blurb was put together this years training stats. The numbers were interesting, they include 12 months from December 1st, 2009 to November 30th 2010. The detailed spreadsheet is my picture of the day. Some of the highlights included:{{{*}}}
Total Yearly Mileage this year:
Swimming - 203.6 km / 126.23 miles
Biking - 10727.99 km / 6651.26 miles
Running - 2080.87 km / 1290.14 miles
Gym - 40 visits
Total Distance - 13,012.46 km / 8067.73 miles
Calories burnt - 575,782
Beers (11 months) - 1454 (avg 121.16 per month)
I also did a calculation of all the training mileage I've done since my 2007 comeback and it turns out I've circled the earth once and I'm 1726.06 km's into my second trip around the world. I like to call it my first victory lap, with more to follow.
Since 2007 my total mileage has been
Swimming - 865.22 km / 536.44 miles
Biking - 33333.45 km / 20666.74 miles
Running - 7602.60 km / 4713.61 miles
Total Distance - 41801.22 km / 25916.76 miles
(the earth at the equator is 40075.16 km / 24901.55 miles)
Beer consumption - 5313.75 (12 oz bottles)
The number that shocked me the most was the amount of money I spent on triathlons this year. I put together a semi-close calculation and included the cost of the flights which were paid for on air miles. The numbers were staggeringly high. I asked Alice if she wanted to know the total and she said, "NO".
Total triathlon related expenses this year were $37,351. To put that in perspective it worked out to $2.87 per km or $4.63 per mile. Who says gas is expensive? If you really want to spend money, train for and travel to four Ironmans in one year. Actually the total is probably even higher, I just paid Blurb $100 per book and made a copy for Reid and Alyssa, with shipping it was $500.
If you want to check out the books to see what they look like and what you can do with your blog, check out my book store and you can flip through all the pages, click here and go to http://www.blurb.com/user/store/brybrarobry. If I ever took a picture of you, you're probably in there somewhere.
The other crazy stat was this WASN'T my biggest training year. That really surprised me, I though for sure it would be. It turns out that 2007/2008 when I did my first Ironman in 16 years was the most mileage at 13834.24 kms and that got me a 11:06 in Louisville in 93 F heat. It was also a lot less expensive that year, it only cost me $1.02 per km or $1.64 per mile.
On the beer front, I did set a PB this year. I averaged 121.16 beers per month and surpassing last years record of 118.69 beers per month. What made this stat more remarkable was I even took 2 months off from drinking while I trained for China.
Weight wise, I was 219.6 in Sept 2006, 189.4 in Sept 2007, 182.6 in Oct 2008, 185.2 in Oct 2009 and 187.8 in Nov 2010.
The one thing I'm most thankful for is documenting the journey through the blog and keeping track of my stats. The numbers really put things in perspective on so many levels. I wouldn't believe them if I didn't see them.
The one stat that's most amazing is I've put in over 41,800 kms of training and have fluctuated between 4 lbs since September 2007. Heck, with that type of mileage I figured I would have at least lost some decent weight. Actually, now that I think about it, I probably would have lost at least 10 lbs if my beer consumptions was less.
Training wise, tonight I didn't do any as planned. Instead, I took the kids out birthday and Christmas shopping for Alice. Tomorrow is her birthday, she's 1 month and 1 day younger than me. I joke she married an older man. We didn't get back until after 10 pm and it was fun watching the kids yell and love each other as they bought the presents and then wrapped the presents. It was a lot of fun hanging out with them.
No Training - Christmas Shopping.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Trying to win...
Today was a rough day. I started the day waking from some dreams that were not pleasant in nature.I then stepped on the scale and weighed in at 189.2 lbs. Very depressing. Last Friday I was 187.0 and in only 3 days, which included my Kona party, I was up 2.2 lbs and that was even after 3:15 of training yesterday.
It also appears there is something wrong with my blog. It's been shutting down at around 9:30 every weekday morning and I have to call Go Daddy to help get it up. They figure it's a Wordpress plug-in and think it may be the forum. I only have 83 pluggins working off the site and I'm sure I picked up one that the equivalent of computer herpes or venereal disease.
My plan was to train at lunch time, but I didn't. I was so immersed in some work I was doing I didn't want to break away. I was in the zone. By the end of the day my brain was mush. The last thing I wanted to do was train. I was also feeling run down. Around 10 am this morning I felt a cold sore coming on and sure enough 30 minutes later it manifested itself.{{{*}}}
When I get a cold sore it's primarily for two reasons, mental stress and or physical stress. In this case I think it was primarily physical. Yesterday's training session took it's toll. It's been a while since I've doubled up on the workouts in one day. From the moment I woke up I felt my body could use a rest today. However, my mind didn't want to give my body a break, especially after I weighed in at 189.2 lbs.
Of late, I've been ruminating about a 4 or 5 of personal issues. Each different in nature. I woke up with one thing on my mind today, the word "determination". I need to be determined to succeed. I can't just set a goal and hope it happens. I need to will it to happen. I need to be 100% committed to it happening.
Without going into major detail, I think I'm going through a mid-life crisis. I'm evaluating so much in my life, and more than anything, I'm trying to better understand myself. To this day, I don't know what has driven me to train so hard and achieve incredible triathlon success. I'd love to be able to pinpoint and understand that quality alone.
Lately I've been napping after dinner. Alice even commented that it's been some time since I've napped so much. Tonight I was mentally fried and when I heard Alice was taking Reid to get a new iPod, I offered to join. I needed to get out of the house. Alyssa also decided to come and it was an impromptu family outing to the Apple store.
I almost fell asleep in the car on the way to the mall and spent most of the time in heavy thought. I was talking to and coaching myself. On the way back from the mall I felt like going to a movie, I felt I needed a distraction. We went to the move The Fighter. I liked it, and it was just what the doctor ordered. I felt much better leaving than I did entering.
On the way home I was considering getting on the bike and riding. I was on the fence until I saw a comment from Ian (@pedalmanTo) that he got home at 1 am from work last night and still managed to go for a run. It inspired me to get on my bike when I got home.
I got home at 10 pm, got dressed and jumped on the bike. It was nice to get some training in and burn off some of that big bag of movie popcorn. I didn't set any ride expectations other than I didn't want to go past 11 pm, I need to start getting to bed earlier. Lately I haven't been falling asleep until 2 am and especially for me, that's not good. Although I think part of the reason I'm staying up late is I've been napping in the evening.
I managed to work up a good sweat and put in 45 minutes of strong riding.
As I was driving home from the movie I was trying to look at the little wins of the day and focusing on success through determination. I succeeded in eating healthy all day (except for the movie popcorn), not drinking beer even though the desire at the end of the workday was strong. I trained even though I didn't really feel like it and I managed to get myself out of a somber mood. Rather than focus on the negative, I considered most of my day was full of wins.
Changing subjects, Alyssa just finished her first semester exams last Friday. It's her first year of University. She's taking psychology and today she found out that on her psychology exam she got 96.3% and finished the year in that course with a 4.33 GPA. Amazing. She deserves it, she's been working hard and is focused. Not once since she's started University has Alice even had to wake her up, she's been totally self-sufficient. Which makes it all even more sweeter, it's been all her.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Determination versus goals...
Yesterday I was pretty down on myself. I partied Friday night and blew off Saturday's long ride, I didn't feel good physically or mentally.What bothered me was I DIDN'T TRAIN, nor was I able to convince myself to train. In the past, I've always been able to party and then pay for my sins the next day through training.
By the time Kona rolled around this year, I was toast physically and mentally. I was so looking forward to resting and letting my body recover. Which I've been trying to do. However since qualifying for Kona, I've felt less pressure to train, in the I've lost the eye of the tiger kind of way.
It's only been a few months of feeling this way and I've been observing myself from the inside out. At first I thought it was just mental and physical burnout. Recently I've been having second thoughts and began wondering why I've been losing my determination to train at all costs.
In fact, I was even asking myself "what was it inside me that motivated me to train consistently and at all costs for over 3 years straight?" As strange as this sounds, I don't know what drove me, I just know I was driven.
I was sitting on my throne reading the first issue of Lava magazine and on the last page there was a conversation between Chris McCormack and Mark Allen. Near the end of the article, Mark Allen said:{{{*}}}
"To me, that's the evolution of the athlete. At some point you have to decide what drove you to get to a certain level, and then you have to re-figure out a formula from there".
In two sentences, that describes where I am right now and I'm not even certain what it was that drove me these past three years.
I was still feeling a little low today, booze and bipolar does that. I knew I needed to get out of the house, get some fresh air and get back on that training horse. The sooner I could get the blood pumping and the sweat flowing the better. I've always said, "It's hard to feel down about yourself, when your doing something good for yourself".
To get kick started I went out shopping with Alice and Reid and when I got home I forced myself out the door to do my long run. I made sure I did it on number one side road, it's my favourite long run route. As I left, I put on a podcast. I didn't feel like listening to music.
The podcast was perfectly timed. One of the discussions was with Jack Zufelt a top self-help guy, who believes goals are not worth setting. He explained that you don't need to write goals to live the life you dream of, instead you need 100% committed determination, anything less and you will not succeed.
That philosophy I agree with. I too believe if you know what you want, deep in your core, you don't need to write it down. If you have to, then it can't be that important.
I was glad I went for my run, I needed it badly. I didn't reset my melancholy, but it did help. When I got home I weighed myself, hoping the run would at least dehydrate me enough that the scale would give me an ego boost. It didn't. I weighed in at 190 lbs, after training. In three days, I sabotage my weight loss gains. That is depressing.
As hard as it was to do, I logged all the food I ate since Friday into My Plate and the numbers don't lie. More calories in than out and you gain weight.
Even though I'm trying to get back to my perfect 21-day challenge eating habits, it's tough to do it cold turkey. I wasn't perfect today, I had half a hot dog, some potato chips and beer nuts. I also couldn't resist a another one of my naps on the couch this afternoon.
After dinner I was still ruminating about blowing off yesterdays scheduled 2-hour bike ride and thought I should at least TRY to ride my bike a little. By the time I set it up and got started, it was 9 pm. The good news was Netflix and the Internet was working downstairs. I still had to put the speedometer on the floor near the sensors for it to work.
At the 33 minute mark I was mentally done. I wanted to quit, badly. I tried to convince myself to get to the hour mark. I kept thinking of those beer nuts, I figured I ate 1000 calories of them, which is about an hour of riding on the bike to burn them. It really puts things in perspective when those little bit of nuts require one-hour of hurt to burn. It makes you not want to eat beer nuts again.
When I got to the 1-hour mark, I got off the bike for 15 seconds, then got back on and decided to push myself for another 10 minutes. I started playing mental games with myself and saying "think of it as a cool down". Then when I got to 1:10, I decided to push to 1:20. When I got to 1:20, I said, "man, your so close to 1:30 which is tomorrow's workout distance, perhaps you can do tomorrows workout today and tomorrow do Saturday's long ride".
When I got to 1:30, I said, "1:40 sounds much longer than 1:30, just stay on and then quit at 1:40". When I got to 1:40, I said, "if you do 20-minutes more you've made up yesterdays' long ride. Would you rather go 20 more minutes and finish your long ride today or have to do it tomorrow?". That's all it took, I finished the full 2-hours. When I got off the bike I gave a light hearted fist pump and said, "baby win".
As I stretched, I looked at my gut and said, "you have to go". Give or take, I'm 10 lbs heavier than my lowest.
Overall I was happy with the day. It could have been different, I could have sulked and did nothing, which just makes it worse. I'm glad I put in the sweat time, mentally and physically it helps. My run was also one of my faster ones of late and I can feel my biking legs coming back.
Lots of things to figure out.
Long Run - 1:15:10 / 14.22 / 5:19 pace
Long Bike - 2:00:17 / 57.24 / 28.55 / 139 avg hr.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
I've heard this might happen...
[caption id="attachment_5898" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Laying the hurt on myself last night."]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_5899" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Doodling at Jack Astors"]
[/caption]
Today I woke up at the crack of 2 pm. Last night was my Kona party.
It was the first time I woke up and was not that pumped to update the blog. I was missing my motivation and was hurting a bit.
Un-detered, in my dull mental state, I spent the next 2-hours updating my blog.
I finished around 5 pm and then I remembered the Kona Ironman was being broadcast on TV this afternoon and thought I missed it. I was pissed. I quickly checked the channel and was able to catch the last hour. From what I saw it was a great broadcast. It was the best I've ever remember seeing. I'm not sure if it WAS or I thought it was because I was part of it.
The video showed the race and day exactly as I remembered it. I was reliving it once again and was even a little verklempt at times. I really enjoyed watching the Pro's race unfold, I heard it was close and being able to see it was great. I'm in awe of the Pro's and their amazing conditioning. As I watched, all I could think about what how wonderful a day it was and how I enjoyed every minute of that race. {{{*}}}
On a different note, I've been feeling a little out of sorts since my birthday. I haven't mentioned it on the blog, but I feel like for the first time I'm getting older. The tell taled sign is when I look at my hands and they are looking aged. It also dawned on me that doing ultras is an older man's game. The fact that I even want to do them, ages me.
The biggest sign that I'm feeling older is I'm hurting more and more after a late night of partying. Take today for an example, I was a complete write off. I woke up feeling sick from over indulging in beer, smoking cigars and getting to bed late. I noticed in the last few months, it now taking two to three days to recover from a late night of partying.
The worst feeling I had was lack of motivation. It seemed like in one night I went from focused to de-focused. I don't like it.
Alice, Alyssa and I went for dinner to Jack Astor's tonight and I felt so crummy. I was feeling so good during my 21-day challenge and now I was feeling completely the opposite. I felt so bloated and could almost hear myself getting fatter as I had my fish and chips. I had no choice, my body was a little shaky and craving grease. I did a coin toss and had a couple of beers, which probably didn't help.
Tonight, after having some more of John P's Kona cookies I went into a sugar induced coma on the couch for 90 minutes. In the past month, I've spent more napping on the couch than I have in a long, long time. I'm not sure if it's the change of seasons or my body trying to repair itself or me just getting older.
I can tell you I'm not digging this drinking thing as much as I used to. The last few times, the price I've paid afterwards is becoming more and more painful. I remember older guys, who used to be big time partiers, tell me that as you get older the recovery takes longer and longer and is more painful. Many had stopped over indulging because of it. I think I may be at that point.
As I write this, I'm feeling like crap. My kidneys are killing me and my mouth feels like an ashtray. Not fun. Even though I'm not on a strict training schedule, I blew off my training ride today. I just wasn't feeling it and to me, that's a problem. All play and no pay is not what I'm about.
I think I may be at a another turning point in my life, without choice. I remember hearing Tony Robbins say "we're either motivated by pain or pleasure". I was motivated to party for the pleasure and now I'm becoming unmotivated to party because of the pain.
No training- eating cookies and nap time.
3
[/caption][caption id="attachment_5899" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Doodling at Jack Astors"]
[/caption]Today I woke up at the crack of 2 pm. Last night was my Kona party.
It was the first time I woke up and was not that pumped to update the blog. I was missing my motivation and was hurting a bit.
Un-detered, in my dull mental state, I spent the next 2-hours updating my blog.
I finished around 5 pm and then I remembered the Kona Ironman was being broadcast on TV this afternoon and thought I missed it. I was pissed. I quickly checked the channel and was able to catch the last hour. From what I saw it was a great broadcast. It was the best I've ever remember seeing. I'm not sure if it WAS or I thought it was because I was part of it.
The video showed the race and day exactly as I remembered it. I was reliving it once again and was even a little verklempt at times. I really enjoyed watching the Pro's race unfold, I heard it was close and being able to see it was great. I'm in awe of the Pro's and their amazing conditioning. As I watched, all I could think about what how wonderful a day it was and how I enjoyed every minute of that race. {{{*}}}
On a different note, I've been feeling a little out of sorts since my birthday. I haven't mentioned it on the blog, but I feel like for the first time I'm getting older. The tell taled sign is when I look at my hands and they are looking aged. It also dawned on me that doing ultras is an older man's game. The fact that I even want to do them, ages me.
The biggest sign that I'm feeling older is I'm hurting more and more after a late night of partying. Take today for an example, I was a complete write off. I woke up feeling sick from over indulging in beer, smoking cigars and getting to bed late. I noticed in the last few months, it now taking two to three days to recover from a late night of partying.
The worst feeling I had was lack of motivation. It seemed like in one night I went from focused to de-focused. I don't like it.
Alice, Alyssa and I went for dinner to Jack Astor's tonight and I felt so crummy. I was feeling so good during my 21-day challenge and now I was feeling completely the opposite. I felt so bloated and could almost hear myself getting fatter as I had my fish and chips. I had no choice, my body was a little shaky and craving grease. I did a coin toss and had a couple of beers, which probably didn't help.
Tonight, after having some more of John P's Kona cookies I went into a sugar induced coma on the couch for 90 minutes. In the past month, I've spent more napping on the couch than I have in a long, long time. I'm not sure if it's the change of seasons or my body trying to repair itself or me just getting older.
I can tell you I'm not digging this drinking thing as much as I used to. The last few times, the price I've paid afterwards is becoming more and more painful. I remember older guys, who used to be big time partiers, tell me that as you get older the recovery takes longer and longer and is more painful. Many had stopped over indulging because of it. I think I may be at that point.
As I write this, I'm feeling like crap. My kidneys are killing me and my mouth feels like an ashtray. Not fun. Even though I'm not on a strict training schedule, I blew off my training ride today. I just wasn't feeling it and to me, that's a problem. All play and no pay is not what I'm about.
I think I may be at a another turning point in my life, without choice. I remember hearing Tony Robbins say "we're either motivated by pain or pleasure". I was motivated to party for the pleasure and now I'm becoming unmotivated to party because of the pain.
No training- eating cookies and nap time.
3
Friday, December 17, 2010
Kona party night...
[caption id="attachment_5884" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Fran, Doru, Fernanda"]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_5885" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="John P and Rodney"]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_5886" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="The Captain and Carlos (always the face man)."]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_5887" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Alice and John B"]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_5888" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Adena - (Camera adverse)"]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_5889" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Group Shot (where's Adena?)"]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_5890" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Fernanda does it right"]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_5891" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="The Matty-O cookie"]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_5892" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="The Ironman, T.P. and the broken one was KONA"]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_5893" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Doru's T.P.P.F Donation "]
[/caption]
This has been a tough week work wise. I've been putting in the hours and feel like I'm spinning my wheels.
For that reason alone I was looking forward to my Kona party tonight. I needed to unwind and hoped it be a way of hitting the reset button.
I finished off my day at around 4:30 pm and headed to the YMCA for a swim. I was looking forward to it, MAO only had me having to do 1000 meters. That's a baby distance. I don't want to miss that session.
With my new YMCA member plus card I got to use the rich guys locker room, which has a steam room, hot tub and towel service.
I love the steam room and towel service, I'm not so sure yet about the atmosphere. It seems like a little bit of an old boys club and it's too early to see if I'll fit in. I do feel skinny in there and there's lots of talk about money in the steam room.
As I was getting ready to jump in the pool I saw a familiar face, it was Stephane doing laps. The last time I saw Stephane was at the Mississauga marathon, he was volunteering.
During one of our rest breaks he was telling me about a party he was at with John Barclay and a number of other athletes.
Stephane said each person at the party had to get up and give a 3-minute speech about a memorable moment.
He said John's speech was on his Ironman Kentucky finish and that he was still quite choked up talking about it almost 3-years later. I thanked Stephane for telling me about it and told him I'd be teasing John Barclay later tonight about it at my Kona party, which I did. {{{*}}}
On the way home from the YMCA I had to stop and get new earrings. This past Tuesday Jamie was giving me a bad time that my diamond studs looked ridiculously small . After him telling me that, I started to get a complex and figured I better get some new earrings before my party, I wanted to look my best. I picked up big diamond studs and gold hoops. Barb and Jamie were the first to show up to the party and I modelled a diamond on one ear and a hoop on the other, hoops won. I'm glad, I much prefer the pirate look.
Before people started showing up, Jamie and I had a cigar. I joke that I got Jamie back into smoking cigars and he got me onto the Kegerator, er crack-erator. It was a match made in hell. He has a huge stash of very expensive and great tasting cigars and he's also turned me into a cigar snob, which is expensive. I used to be able to smoke a rolled up blanket and enjoy it, now I can't.
I think I may be growing up a little. I actually acted like a host more than I ever have at any party and tried to make sure everyone had a drink in-hand throughout the night and when people left I joined them at the front door and said good byes. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing. Normally, I get my guests a glass and point them in the right direction and they're on there own. I'm then usually too drunk and engaged to keep up with formal good byes.
Last night was different, I didn't get too drunk and was semi-civilized until the end. It was a different sensation.
The one thing I really liked was the people. Each and every one of them I could hang around with one on one, most I have or will be. That's how I judge if I really like someone, I ask myself "could I spend the afternoon hanging out at a bar with them chatting?" If I answer yes, then they are my kind of people.
Unfortunately, like at most parties, I didn't get to spend as much time as I would have liked with each person and then time runs out. What I found really cool was seeing John P and Rodney one year after my Clearwater party. Last years party was the first time I met them. At that time neither had done a half Ironman and both signed up for Muskoka this year.
Fast forward 12-months and both finished Muskoka and now they both signed up for IMLP 2011. Both guys showed up this year looking much more lean and mean than last year. Johns down to 175 lbs and he's at least 6'2". Rodney looks like he's a life-long athlete. Both are P.F.G's.
This year I'm reading John P's blog posts and I can tell he's a man on a mission. Last year Rodney kicked his butt at Muskoka by strictly following the MAO program. I knew Rodney was going to do great, when I read his blog it was clear he was focused and trained hard. The irony is John is probably the most natural athlete of everyone in the room except for maybe Carlos. John was a professional mountain biker in his youth and he's only in his early thirty's now.
Carlos also had a fantastic year. He too followed the MAO program and had the race year of his life, completing IMLP and breaking 5 hours at a half Ironman in Miami in November. I sincerely believe Carlos has the ability to make it to Kona in the near future. In his youth he was a World Class swimmer who represented Brazil. In all fairness, I could see Rodney and John doing the same. The only disadvantage for all of them is they are in a tough age group and it keeps getting tougher. I'm so glad I'm in the 45-49 age group and not younger.
Unfortunately I didn't get to talk to Adena much, which sucked. Adena I know your reading this, so before the New Years we got to hang out for drinks somewhere and catch up.
I felt bad for Doru, he had a rough week. At his company Christmas party he got really drunk and had some B.K.O (Booze Knock Out) moments. Miha is still telling him about stuff he didn't remember doing. The funniest was him telling us he actually picked up his bosses wife as she resisted. She was a grandmother and wasn't impressed. I felt for him, I've been there and know what booze remorse feels like. I could still see he was ruminating heavily about it. Don't worry Doru, in two weeks it will all seem like a faint memory.
Although I didn't eat much food, I did munch on the cookies that John and Fran and family made specially for the occasion. They were Ironman cookies and each one was hand cut, no Ironman cookie cutter. They even made a cookie for Matty O with an actual size penis. Actually, I think they may have been a little generous on the size, I kept thinking about the saying, "objects in mirror may be seem larger than usual".
John Barclay is always fun to have around. There is definitely a bond that you can only get from training for an Ironman together and doing both Ironman Kentucky and China together. Plus, he's fun to make fun of.
There was a lot a talk about my 100 mile run and triple Ironman next year. I'm not totally looking forward to those, but I am stoked about doing the beer marathon. I'm hoping in the next week or so I'm going to figure out which marathon I'm going to attempt it at, I want to make sure we have enough time to figure out the logistics and maybe do a trial run together. I can hardly wait for that marathon, I haven't been this excited since I was a kid on Christmas eve.
Overall it was a good time and I didn't make as much of a fool or embarrass myself as much as I usually do. If the party continued on into the witching hour of 3 am - 5 am, all hell would have broke loose I'm sure. It was still one of those nights that I feel asleep fully clothed on the top of my bed sheets. That's always a good sign.
One last thing, Doru is now officially the top contributor to the Training Payne Party Fund and had a keg named in his honour. Thanks bro.
Swim- 27:35 / 1000 meters.
20
[/caption][caption id="attachment_5885" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="John P and Rodney"]
[/caption][caption id="attachment_5886" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="The Captain and Carlos (always the face man)."]
[/caption][caption id="attachment_5887" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Alice and John B"]
[/caption][caption id="attachment_5888" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Adena - (Camera adverse)"]
[/caption][caption id="attachment_5889" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Group Shot (where's Adena?)"]
[/caption][caption id="attachment_5890" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Fernanda does it right"]
[/caption][caption id="attachment_5891" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="The Matty-O cookie"]
[/caption][caption id="attachment_5892" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="The Ironman, T.P. and the broken one was KONA"]
[/caption][caption id="attachment_5893" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Doru's T.P.P.F Donation "]
[/caption]This has been a tough week work wise. I've been putting in the hours and feel like I'm spinning my wheels.
For that reason alone I was looking forward to my Kona party tonight. I needed to unwind and hoped it be a way of hitting the reset button.
I finished off my day at around 4:30 pm and headed to the YMCA for a swim. I was looking forward to it, MAO only had me having to do 1000 meters. That's a baby distance. I don't want to miss that session.
With my new YMCA member plus card I got to use the rich guys locker room, which has a steam room, hot tub and towel service.
I love the steam room and towel service, I'm not so sure yet about the atmosphere. It seems like a little bit of an old boys club and it's too early to see if I'll fit in. I do feel skinny in there and there's lots of talk about money in the steam room.
As I was getting ready to jump in the pool I saw a familiar face, it was Stephane doing laps. The last time I saw Stephane was at the Mississauga marathon, he was volunteering.
During one of our rest breaks he was telling me about a party he was at with John Barclay and a number of other athletes.
Stephane said each person at the party had to get up and give a 3-minute speech about a memorable moment.
He said John's speech was on his Ironman Kentucky finish and that he was still quite choked up talking about it almost 3-years later. I thanked Stephane for telling me about it and told him I'd be teasing John Barclay later tonight about it at my Kona party, which I did. {{{*}}}
On the way home from the YMCA I had to stop and get new earrings. This past Tuesday Jamie was giving me a bad time that my diamond studs looked ridiculously small . After him telling me that, I started to get a complex and figured I better get some new earrings before my party, I wanted to look my best. I picked up big diamond studs and gold hoops. Barb and Jamie were the first to show up to the party and I modelled a diamond on one ear and a hoop on the other, hoops won. I'm glad, I much prefer the pirate look.
Before people started showing up, Jamie and I had a cigar. I joke that I got Jamie back into smoking cigars and he got me onto the Kegerator, er crack-erator. It was a match made in hell. He has a huge stash of very expensive and great tasting cigars and he's also turned me into a cigar snob, which is expensive. I used to be able to smoke a rolled up blanket and enjoy it, now I can't.
I think I may be growing up a little. I actually acted like a host more than I ever have at any party and tried to make sure everyone had a drink in-hand throughout the night and when people left I joined them at the front door and said good byes. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing. Normally, I get my guests a glass and point them in the right direction and they're on there own. I'm then usually too drunk and engaged to keep up with formal good byes.
Last night was different, I didn't get too drunk and was semi-civilized until the end. It was a different sensation.
The one thing I really liked was the people. Each and every one of them I could hang around with one on one, most I have or will be. That's how I judge if I really like someone, I ask myself "could I spend the afternoon hanging out at a bar with them chatting?" If I answer yes, then they are my kind of people.
Unfortunately, like at most parties, I didn't get to spend as much time as I would have liked with each person and then time runs out. What I found really cool was seeing John P and Rodney one year after my Clearwater party. Last years party was the first time I met them. At that time neither had done a half Ironman and both signed up for Muskoka this year.
Fast forward 12-months and both finished Muskoka and now they both signed up for IMLP 2011. Both guys showed up this year looking much more lean and mean than last year. Johns down to 175 lbs and he's at least 6'2". Rodney looks like he's a life-long athlete. Both are P.F.G's.
This year I'm reading John P's blog posts and I can tell he's a man on a mission. Last year Rodney kicked his butt at Muskoka by strictly following the MAO program. I knew Rodney was going to do great, when I read his blog it was clear he was focused and trained hard. The irony is John is probably the most natural athlete of everyone in the room except for maybe Carlos. John was a professional mountain biker in his youth and he's only in his early thirty's now.
Carlos also had a fantastic year. He too followed the MAO program and had the race year of his life, completing IMLP and breaking 5 hours at a half Ironman in Miami in November. I sincerely believe Carlos has the ability to make it to Kona in the near future. In his youth he was a World Class swimmer who represented Brazil. In all fairness, I could see Rodney and John doing the same. The only disadvantage for all of them is they are in a tough age group and it keeps getting tougher. I'm so glad I'm in the 45-49 age group and not younger.
Unfortunately I didn't get to talk to Adena much, which sucked. Adena I know your reading this, so before the New Years we got to hang out for drinks somewhere and catch up.
I felt bad for Doru, he had a rough week. At his company Christmas party he got really drunk and had some B.K.O (Booze Knock Out) moments. Miha is still telling him about stuff he didn't remember doing. The funniest was him telling us he actually picked up his bosses wife as she resisted. She was a grandmother and wasn't impressed. I felt for him, I've been there and know what booze remorse feels like. I could still see he was ruminating heavily about it. Don't worry Doru, in two weeks it will all seem like a faint memory.
Although I didn't eat much food, I did munch on the cookies that John and Fran and family made specially for the occasion. They were Ironman cookies and each one was hand cut, no Ironman cookie cutter. They even made a cookie for Matty O with an actual size penis. Actually, I think they may have been a little generous on the size, I kept thinking about the saying, "objects in mirror may be seem larger than usual".
John Barclay is always fun to have around. There is definitely a bond that you can only get from training for an Ironman together and doing both Ironman Kentucky and China together. Plus, he's fun to make fun of.
There was a lot a talk about my 100 mile run and triple Ironman next year. I'm not totally looking forward to those, but I am stoked about doing the beer marathon. I'm hoping in the next week or so I'm going to figure out which marathon I'm going to attempt it at, I want to make sure we have enough time to figure out the logistics and maybe do a trial run together. I can hardly wait for that marathon, I haven't been this excited since I was a kid on Christmas eve.
Overall it was a good time and I didn't make as much of a fool or embarrass myself as much as I usually do. If the party continued on into the witching hour of 3 am - 5 am, all hell would have broke loose I'm sure. It was still one of those nights that I feel asleep fully clothed on the top of my bed sheets. That's always a good sign.
One last thing, Doru is now officially the top contributor to the Training Payne Party Fund and had a keg named in his honour. Thanks bro.
Swim- 27:35 / 1000 meters.
20
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Corner turned disaster averted...
Yesterday was the turning point, I intuitively feel it, I got my weight back under control.I woke up today at 186.0 lbs, down 3 lbs from 25 days ago and even after Tuesday's beer and ice cream extravaganza.
In fact, I think the beer has helped me, mentally and physically. Mentally I became more determined than ever not to over do it and physically I feel stronger again. After Yesterdays bike ride I started feeling like my old self again.
Even my Tanita scale was talking good to me. For the past few weeks it's said my fitness has been a 6 on 9 and after yesterdays ride it was back to 9 on 9.
Oh, I forgot to add one other change I made that may have effected my weight. I shaved my legs. I couldn't stand all the hair, they didn't even look like my legs anymore. The amount of hair that came off was unbelievable. Is it possible that the 3 lb weight loss was hair?
My plan was to get to the YMCA sometime in the day light today. Instead I was forced to deal with software issues.
It appears I had a carry over of bad luck with electronics from yesterday. The problems I had were fairly serious, it turns out the server that has my blog on it was attacked by some malware via the forum software. For two days in a row it shut down the website.{{{*}}}
Go Daddy helped me identify the problem and fix it, it was the forum plugin. The forum software I use is legit and right after I fixed the problem I saw a new upgrade with a security enhancement. I then had to learn how to upgrade via a server. For some this may seem like no big deal to those IT guys out there, for me, it's all new learning. Three hours later all my problems were solved. I was thinking, "It's one thing to deal with this when it's paying the bills, but this is my damn hobby blog".
Rather than train, I tried to make up those three hours and catch up on real work. By dinner time my brain was fried and I sat down to an awesome roast beef, mashed potatoes, gravy, yorkshire pudding and salad dinner that Alice prepared. Total soul food. It was awesome.
I was so brain dead I fell a sleep on the couch after dinner and didn't wake up until 8:30 pm. Waking up was the moment of truth. The Y closes at 9:40 pm, do I do weights? Do I run and miss weights? or do I still do both as planned. I decided to do both as planned.
To add to the hassle, Alyssa's car was parked behind me and I had to move her cold car. There is nothing more annoying than having to get into her car, move the seat back and move it in the cold wintery air. It almost dettered me from going to the Y. I even had my jacket off and then Sucked it Up, put the jacket back on, moved her car and drove to the Y.
It was a quality workout and I didn't mail it in, I was pushing heavier than normal weights and at times it was painful. I loved it. I said to myself, "if your going to do weights you may as well make them count". There is nothing greater than walking out the front doors of the Y and walking to the car pumped up and knowing you had a great session.
On the way home I got stopped by the Cops, they were doing roadside checks for drinking and driving. There was a line up of about 7 cops and they'd line up seven cars, ask questions and then they ask the next 7 to move forward. It was a well oiled machine.
When it got to me, it was anti-climatic. I was hoping he was going to ask a bunch of questions, I was going to get a little smart with him knowing I was clean. Instead he said, "this is a road side check, have you been drinking?", I said, "nope" and he immediately, without hesitation said, "okay carry on". Frankly, I was disappointed. I could have been drunk and got through easily. I think. They've been out in full force this year, Alice got stopped twice last Friday picking Reid and his friends up from the movies.
Today I decided to order the photo's from Ironman China. After Ironman China I had no desire to buy pictures of that race. As time has gone on and when I was putting together my year end book I reconsidered. In hindsight it was an important race for me, it was definitely the greatest learning race of all time and had I finished and not DNF'd, I wouldn't have had such a great time at Ironman St. George or learnt to put undo results pressure on myself.
The final reason I ordered them was because it was China, and the photos of the race have that different cultural look and feel to them. In the end, I don't want to regret not having those pictures in my 2010 year end book. Once the book is printed, it's printed, there's no going back.
In looking at the photo's it reminded me of how good of shape I was in. I've never trained so hard or flawlessly for a race. I can confidently say I was in the shape of my life for that race. I trained between 1400 - 1600 km per month and didn't drink alcohol for over 2 months. It just goes to show you can do everything right and life provides no guarantees. With that said, if I was to do it over, based on the final resulting journey, I'd do it all over again.
Last and certainly not least, you have to check out John Procs blog by clicking here, he's been working hard preparing for the Training Payne Kona Party tomorrow night. When you go to his blog you'll see what he and his family have been working hard doing. Based on his efforts, he gets a VIP pass to jump to the front of the line any time he needs more beer from the kegerator. Well done John.
Weights - 45 minutes
Tempo Run -
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
What could possibly go wrong...
[caption id="attachment_5849" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="First ride this year on the trainer"]
[/caption]
It was one of those days, I'm surprised I stayed so calm.
I was a little pissed off at myself for doing so well diet wise for the last 21-days and then going over board yesterday.
I calculated yesterday's calories eaten at 4033 and 0 calories burnt with exercise. Today I came back strong and ate only 1246 calories and I burnt 1151 on the bike.
In this past week I was wondering to myself if calories are only a 24-hour measure. Does it make a difference if we make it a 72-hour measure, totalling everything over a 3-day period. That way, we can have a bad 4000 calorie day and come back strong with a 1200 calorie day and everything is still okay. I wonder if still that works?
Another thought I had during Monday's run was with respect to the psychology of meal time. We've been conditioned to believe in breakfast, lunch and dinner and tend to eat at those times whether we are hungry or not. If someone was able to scrub their mind of those learnt eating patterns and eat only when they're hungry, what would that natural eating pattern look like?{{{*}}}
I've said it before and I'll say it again, nothing is more motivating to get back on track than after a night of debauchery. Waking up wasn't pleasant this morning. My mind was dull and frankly, I was pissed off at myself. I'd been feeling so sharp in the mornings for the past 3 weeks and now I felt like I set myself back and would need a couple of clean living days to sharpen up again.
Around dinner-time I got a surge of motivation. I felt so crappy all day and I knew the only way to get back on track is to train and sweat it out. I had a ride scheduled today and with snow on the ground outside I decided it was time to bite the bullet and set my bike up on the trainer downstairs.
Getting the bike set up was not easy. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. My problems progressed like this; I couldn't find my under the bike mat or front wheel holder until Alice came to the rescue. Then I had to change my back wheel and put a trainer tire on, which wasn't easy and I had to do it twice because I didn't put the tube in the tire properly the first time.
I kept telling myself, "remain calm, remain calm, do not let this beat you, do not get angry, relax, remain calm".
Once the bike was on the trainer, I noticed the speedometer wasn't working. I made adjustment after adjustment and it still wouldn't work. The strange part is it works if I put it on the ground close to the wheel and crank. I'm not sure if it's a battery issue or there is some electrical interference in the basement.
Before I started riding I washed my bike down. It was full of dirt from my last ride. Heck, who am I kidding, I hadn't washed it all year. Once I finished cleaning it, I got on the bike and started riding and it was noisy, the chain needed oiling. I stopped and oiled the chain and started riding again.
As I rode, I heard a grinding sort of sound, at first I thought it was the chain rubbing on the gear shifter. I did all kinds of adjustments and it didn't help. I then took off the back wheel and adjusted it thinking that would help. Nothing worked and rather than not ride, I rode and tuned out the rubbing noise.
My next challenges were computer network related. For some reason my network speed was running super slow and I couldn't get Netflix to play. As I rode, I tried to adjust it. The speed was slow both on my TV and computer. I was having no luck. At one point, I stopped, got off the bike, went upstairs reset the network and got back on the bike. It worked better for about 3 minutes and then went back to not working. Ugggg....
I could have got mad and freaked out, I could have stomped my feet and got off my bike and gave up on my session, but I didn't. I decided that my bad luck was not going to beat me and I was just having an unlucky day. I still used my speedometer, albeit it was on the ground near my back wheel, and I watched TV instead of a movie.
During tonight's ride I realized riding on a trainer is a good idea. I noticed I was getting a better workout than I have in a while. I also noticed that I'm a lot slower than I used to be on the trainer. Again, rather than be deterred, I looked at getting my cycling leg strength back as a challenge.
Today's upside was I ate perfectly, I remained calm in the face of adversity, I got a decent workout in, I had a good sweat and I faced my fears of getting back on my trainer and doing indoor rides once again. All in all, I'll put today in the win column.
Speed bike - 1: 15:21 / 33.45 / 26.64
[/caption]It was one of those days, I'm surprised I stayed so calm.
I was a little pissed off at myself for doing so well diet wise for the last 21-days and then going over board yesterday.
I calculated yesterday's calories eaten at 4033 and 0 calories burnt with exercise. Today I came back strong and ate only 1246 calories and I burnt 1151 on the bike.
In this past week I was wondering to myself if calories are only a 24-hour measure. Does it make a difference if we make it a 72-hour measure, totalling everything over a 3-day period. That way, we can have a bad 4000 calorie day and come back strong with a 1200 calorie day and everything is still okay. I wonder if still that works?
Another thought I had during Monday's run was with respect to the psychology of meal time. We've been conditioned to believe in breakfast, lunch and dinner and tend to eat at those times whether we are hungry or not. If someone was able to scrub their mind of those learnt eating patterns and eat only when they're hungry, what would that natural eating pattern look like?{{{*}}}
I've said it before and I'll say it again, nothing is more motivating to get back on track than after a night of debauchery. Waking up wasn't pleasant this morning. My mind was dull and frankly, I was pissed off at myself. I'd been feeling so sharp in the mornings for the past 3 weeks and now I felt like I set myself back and would need a couple of clean living days to sharpen up again.
Around dinner-time I got a surge of motivation. I felt so crappy all day and I knew the only way to get back on track is to train and sweat it out. I had a ride scheduled today and with snow on the ground outside I decided it was time to bite the bullet and set my bike up on the trainer downstairs.
Getting the bike set up was not easy. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. My problems progressed like this; I couldn't find my under the bike mat or front wheel holder until Alice came to the rescue. Then I had to change my back wheel and put a trainer tire on, which wasn't easy and I had to do it twice because I didn't put the tube in the tire properly the first time.
I kept telling myself, "remain calm, remain calm, do not let this beat you, do not get angry, relax, remain calm".
Once the bike was on the trainer, I noticed the speedometer wasn't working. I made adjustment after adjustment and it still wouldn't work. The strange part is it works if I put it on the ground close to the wheel and crank. I'm not sure if it's a battery issue or there is some electrical interference in the basement.
Before I started riding I washed my bike down. It was full of dirt from my last ride. Heck, who am I kidding, I hadn't washed it all year. Once I finished cleaning it, I got on the bike and started riding and it was noisy, the chain needed oiling. I stopped and oiled the chain and started riding again.
As I rode, I heard a grinding sort of sound, at first I thought it was the chain rubbing on the gear shifter. I did all kinds of adjustments and it didn't help. I then took off the back wheel and adjusted it thinking that would help. Nothing worked and rather than not ride, I rode and tuned out the rubbing noise.
My next challenges were computer network related. For some reason my network speed was running super slow and I couldn't get Netflix to play. As I rode, I tried to adjust it. The speed was slow both on my TV and computer. I was having no luck. At one point, I stopped, got off the bike, went upstairs reset the network and got back on the bike. It worked better for about 3 minutes and then went back to not working. Ugggg....
I could have got mad and freaked out, I could have stomped my feet and got off my bike and gave up on my session, but I didn't. I decided that my bad luck was not going to beat me and I was just having an unlucky day. I still used my speedometer, albeit it was on the ground near my back wheel, and I watched TV instead of a movie.
During tonight's ride I realized riding on a trainer is a good idea. I noticed I was getting a better workout than I have in a while. I also noticed that I'm a lot slower than I used to be on the trainer. Again, rather than be deterred, I looked at getting my cycling leg strength back as a challenge.
Today's upside was I ate perfectly, I remained calm in the face of adversity, I got a decent workout in, I had a good sweat and I faced my fears of getting back on my trainer and doing indoor rides once again. All in all, I'll put today in the win column.
Speed bike - 1: 15:21 / 33.45 / 26.64
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I'm out of shape...
Monday I finished my 21-day challenge of no beer or junk food. Tuesday I had some snacks and a couple of beers and today I opened up the throttle.
Jamie came by at the end of the day, brought a couple of fabulous tasting cigars and we watched last weekends pay per view fight AGAIN. Oh, and of course we started pulling from the Kegerator and drinking the nectar of the Gods.
Last weekend I watched the fight completely sober, today I watched it with a few beers in me. I must say, beer makes everything better. It's a real enhancement, similar to having HD. Except I'd take beer over HD.
I've also got to say, my Kegerator is pouring PERFECTLY. Even Jamie was impressed. I have the C02 pressure dialled on that baby. It pours at an ideal 2 oz per second with the perfect head. I tapped it yesterday, had a couple of pulls then tried it again today. I wanted to make sure everything was ready for my Kona Party on Friday. Yesterday on the first pull, the handle was stiff. It's now back to better than normal.{{{*}}}
Of course I couldn't stop at 3 or 4 beers, I had to have more. Then those more beers made me hungry. It was 8 pm and Alice, Alyssa and I went to The Purple Heather Gastro Pub for dinner. It's a new restaurant around the corner from our house that just opened two weeks ago. I loved this restaurant and it's now officially my favorite restaurant in Burlington. Not only is is well decorated like a English Pub, you'd swear the staff has been working there for years. The service and food was fantastic.
My plan was to have a salad and then had second thoughts when I saw Fish and Chips on the menu. I kept asking Alice and Alyssa what I should do. Alice said go for the F & C. I did my heads and tails routine and F & C came up again. I went for the Fish & Chips, but was a bit of a good boy, I didn't eat the chips.
After dinner they brought out the desserts and I fought those as well. Well, kinda. By the time we left those desserts were on my mind and Alyssa jumped on board when I said, "do you want to go for ice cream at Cold Stone Creamery?".
It was so cold outside the staff was in disbelief that we came in for ice cream. We said we were ex-Winter-peggers and they got to work. Alyssa went for the small, I went for the medium and Alice had self-control and went for none. Damn that ice cream was good. I must say, even we thought it was cold, we left the truck running outside with the keys in it while we were inside.
When we got home I went into a sugar coma on the couch from beer, grease and sugar overload and didn't wake up until 3:30 am. Alice was kind enough to allow me to sleep and not wake me up to go to bed.
The only reason I woke up was to go to the bathroom and it wasn't easy. I could barely stand over the toilet and half way through I thought "why didn't I sit instead". I didn't anticipate the hurt I was going to be in. I was near passing out because of the head pain. It was something completely unanticipated. I probably only had 8 pints of beer total for the night.
It just goes to show, "if you don't use it, you lose it". In 21-days I got out of drinking shape. I must say, as I was hurting big time taking my pee pee I was asking myself, "why the f#ck did I drinking so much, I was feeling so good these past 21-days". Truthfully, the only reason I did drink was to prepare myself for Friday's party. I'd rather pay the price in training than on game day.
As we were having beers tonight, Jamie mentioned he's been reading the blog and thinks he's been doing more training than me. I had a weird reaction to that comment. I was actually happy about it, it means I'm actually doing an active recovery and not just talking about taking some time off this time.
No Training - Drinking Day.
10
Monday, December 13, 2010
21-Day Challenge in the bag...
Today was the finish line, I accomplished my goal of going 21-days with no junk food or beer.A BIG thank you to Matty O for the added motivation. I love proving someone wrong and I know he did it to help keep me on track out of friendship.
I think I may have lost 1 - 2 lbs. I didn't weigh myself today. I'll do it tomorrow. I did weigh myself after my run and was 186 lbs, which could just be water loss.
The challenge was beneficial well beyond weight loss. I literally could feel my body healing and recovering during these past three weeks. Early in on the challenge, I was getting stress bumps on my head, they're like little scabby pimples. I get them when my body starts detoxing or I need to detox.
On the training front, we finally got some snow and I did my first winter run late this afternoon. It was -17 C and I loved every minute of it. Running in snow is a like running on grass, you run slower, it's less jarring and you start building different muscles in your lower legs.
Today was a big day for new members joining, there must be something in the air. For those that haven't noticed, I have a weekly survey on the lower right sidebar of the site. Last week I asked "do you use a coach?" and 7 people answered yes and 2 answered no. This week, there's a new question, put your vote in by Friday{{{*}}}
I spent last night and part of today I was assembling my yearly Training Payne blog book. I use Blurb, they have some software called Slurp and it flows all my blog entries into a book. I then go through each page and make design adjustments.
For the first two years of blogging, each year has filled up a 440 page book. This year, the posts grew in size and I'm already at page 650. Based on my estimations, I will need two 440-page books for this year alone.
As I was adjusting the page layouts, it brought back lots of memories. It was very motivating. When I started blogging and making books from each years posts I didn't anticipate the motivation these books would provide. I was looking at the previous two years books to keep the design consistent and seeing my transformation over the years got my juices flowing to stay one track and keep moving forward.
I'd look at a picture and it would bring back a flood of memories. It's amazing how looking at a photo can time travel you back and all of a sudden you remember the sights, sounds, smells and feelings you had that day at that moment in time. The weird thing is I don't get the same time travelling sensation when I look at non-training photo's. I can still remember some runs I did 25 years ago.
Last night John Barclay came by to borrow Reid's Gorilla mask. I assume he needs it for something VERY IMPORTANT and wants to put on his best face. While he was here he said, "your crazy, a triple ironman? How does it work?"
I had no definite answers for him. I signed up without knowing the full details. His question got me thinking, I should at least look at it close enough to know what I've gotten myself into. I went to the Triple Ironman Website to learn more. There's not a lot of information there. I did find out it's a 7.2 mile swim, 336 mile bike, 78.6 mile run and it must all be completed within 60 hours.
There was not much information on the website. I started googling the event and found a couple of You Tube videos. I may have to eat some crow and give Matt his due. The video's show an event that doesn't have the same level of athletic intensity as an Ironman. Watching the transition from the swim to the bike said it all. Everyone walking to the transition leisurely and one guy was eating McDonald's in the transition. Everyone moving at turtle speed.
I was also checking out video's of Rich Roll, an Ultra endurance athlete who is vegan. In one video he was speaking at a training camp and talking about "training long". He took the kumbaya approach to describe that doing ultras are one of the few true authentic moments in the iPhone generation. He's gets one with nature and often runs without music to get more into it.
Interesting approach. Unfortunately that one ain't going to work for me. I've been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Its too much spiritual mumbo-jumbo for me. I found a You Tube video of Epic Bill Bradley when he did the triple Ironman, I much prefer his approach and attitude.
From what I can see, a triple Ironman is an Ironman in name only. The 3-times the distance makes it a completely different sort of race. I saw more walking and shuffling in those video than I expected. Actually that's pretty much all I saw. I'm not sure if I like the go 60 hours straight approach or would prefer do an Ironman every day for three days and sleep in-between.
I did love the explanation on the first video below of the answer to the question "You ask Why?".
The answer was, "We take these Risks not to escape life...but to prevent life from escaping us".
I'm not super excited about the triple, I want to do it and will do it. I want to get that one off the to do list. Er, I mean Bucket List. No, actually what I mean, is get it off the "do you think you can suffer that much list".
However, what I am excited about doing is the beer marathon. That one is on my bucket list. The beer marathon is 26 beers in 26 miles and I don't believe it's ever been done before. Guiness turned me down because it was too dangerous and not broad enough.
I can't get the beer marathon out of my mind. On todays run I was thinking doing it this spring would be perfect. Next year would be my EPIC racing year and doing a beer marathon would be something I'd be most proud of.
Long Run - 1:02:26 / 11.17 km / 5:35
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Anything to save a buck...
I can't believe how fast time flies, twenty days ago I began my 21-day challenge and low and behold, it's almost over.The downside is I don't think I'm going to lose much, if any weight. The upside is I'm sure I would have been heavier by now if I didn't take on the challenge.
It's hard to believe I haven't had any junk food or beer in almost 21-days. Who ever invented popcorn is a Saint, or at least should be recognized as one.
These 21-days have flown by and I've learnt a lot, not only about diet, but about myself. Having a clear head and no weekend hangover speed bumps has kept me really focused personally and professionally. I've had some fantastic come to Jesus talks with myself during some of my training rides and runs. It's strange how he never talks to me during a swim or weight training session.
During my last visit to the YMCA they told me my membership card was expired. My membership is at A -YMCA and I usually train at B- YMCA. Even though they are both YMCA's, the membership rates are different. A- YMCA charges much less than B- YMCA, the one I prefer to train at. {{{*}}}
Rather than get my membership at B- YMCA, I decided to drive to Brantford (C-YMCA)(Wayne Gretzky's hometown) and get my membership there. Doing so saved me over $350 per year including the building improvement fee. If I wanted to save another $40 per year I could have driven to the Cambridge (D-YMCA).
Now, before people get all worked up, I don't make the rules, I just play within them. The beauty with the YMCA is if you have a membership at one Y, you can use it to workout at any other Y, anywhere in the world, for free.
The only caveat is the Y's only allow you so many guest visits a month, which is fine, the amount of guest visits they allow me per month fit into my training schedule. I only need to go a couple times a week.
I didn't train today, I had a 50 minute run that I unintentionally blew off. First it was raining, so I waited. Then I went to the Y to get a membership, so I waited. Then I went to a movie with Alice, so I waited. Then I got home, I started working on turning last years blog posts into a book using Blurb, so I waited.
The book building software wasn't working properly, so I spent the next 5 hours playing with it until it was right, by then it was 1 am. I was a little disappointed, I was looking forward to my run. Instead I went to bed with my running clothes on and made it a morning priority.
Last night was our first snowfall of the year. I guess that means it's indoor bike trainer time.
No Training.
BEST TRAINING SONG EVER HAHA - http://www.animatronics.org/strangers/strangers.htm
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Allelujah...
[caption id="attachment_5805" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="December Riding Sights"]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_5806" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="They have this up ALL YEAR, it's now appropriate"]
[/caption]
This morning as I was lying in bed, near waking, eyes closed and I heard little kids playing and freaked a little.
I was in a little bit of a panic, I didn't know where I was until I realized it was my neighbours two small little girls playing in their backyard.
Once I got my faculties back I was happy to hear them playing, it was a good sign that it might be warm enough to do my long bike ride outside today.
Last night I bought and assembled a new office chair, Reid destroyed my old one. The pneumatic lever doesn't work and I'm so low I feel like I little kid at the big table. My chest is at the same level as the desk.
This morning after waking, my first stop was my new chair and onto the computer. The next step was to check the temperature outside, it was a mild 3C, which means, "no indoor riding yet for me this year".
I checked my MAO program and saw I had a 3 hour ride scheduled. Since it's the off-season I've been cutting some of the workouts short and had a bit of a dilemma, "do I ride the full 3 hours or do something less?"
In my heart I wanted to do the full 3 hours. It would be my longest ride since Kona, October 9th. In just writing that sentence I realized it's already been 60 days since Kona. WOW. Time has flown by. No wonder I feel out of shape.
At this point, before I made up my mind on what to do, I visualized the situation. My first was watching myself ride 3 hours indoors on the trainer and the thought of putting my bike on a trainer and riding for 3 mind numbing hours was making me sick. So the first decision was made, to ride outside.
My second visualization was whether or not to go for 2 hours or 3 hours? I started by visualizing the 3-hour route, the distance, the sights, the turns and most importantly what it feels like when I'm having a great day and how enjoyable it can be doing that distance. I thought briefly about doing the 2-hour route and decided against it. Saturdays are for epic rides, not 2-hour weekday distances.
Before I left the house, I bundled up. I've got it down to a science. I've learnt the KEY to riding comfortably in cold weather (other than no snow on the roads) is warm feet and hands. If you can keep those parts of your body warm, the ride has a chance of being enjoyable. If you don't keep your feet and hands warm, even if the rides only 30 minutes long, it will be 30 minutes of hell and will feel much longer.
The only problem I had extremity wise was my feet were a little too warm. I had chemical toe warmers on the top and bottom of each foot. In hindsight I could have used just one on the top of each foot. With that said, I'd rather be safe than sorry.{{{*}}}
The only feet problem I had was after about 2 hours the bottom chemical toe warmer was agitating my foot on every down stroke. That extra 1/8" of toe warmer pad was aggravating and putting pressure on the ball of my foot. Overall, it was a small price to pay in order to stay off that indoor trainer.
As I was riding I was starting to wonder if I have MS or Lou Gehrig's disease. I have lost all my power and strength and have a tough time keeping my heart rate down even at the slower speeds. I was asking myself on my ride, "is this what 45 years old is supposed to feel like? Do I have a medical condition? Or is it just because I've been taking it relatively easy for 60 days and drank almost two kegs of beer all to myself in the first 5 weeks?"
Two hours into the ride I was getting hungry. I NEVER get hungry on a ride, I could feel my heart light burning out. I had some gels in my bento box still from Kona and I started to have one, then two, then three and then some Cliff Shot Bloks.
I NEVER eat gels on the bike. I only even had them on the bike because I hoarded them in Kona as I was going through aid stations. Even though I don't usually eat them, they're expensive and that's why I ask for them at bike and run aid stations, I want to get my registration monies worth. Today I had no choice but to use them, I was losing all my energy.
I'm sure this is going to sound weird, but I LOVED IT, my body crashing. It has been so long since I felt mortal. I was two hours into a ride and starting to feel semi-bonked. How cool is that? I've done 7-hour rides and felt fresher. Once you get into a bonk zone, it becomes epic. I don't care if your 1-hour into it or 8-hours into it, your body and mind know no difference.
When you get into the zone where your trying to squeeze every drop of gel out of that crappy little package, your into the epic zone. Rather than dread being in that zone, I embraced it. I didn't ask myself, "how much longer do I have until I'm home" or say, "man, I'm tired and hungry, why am I doing this?" or "you know, to do the full out and back it will take over 3 hours and you're only scheduled to do three hours so why not turn here and finish right at the 3-hour mark".
Nope. I didn't say any of those things at all. I said to myself, "how do I block any pain or discomfort. I need to learn the secret, I've got two Ultra's next year. If I'm going to ask myself why I'm doing this or thinking of the pain I'm in, or wondering if I should quit, I'm in trouble". Instead, I thought of guys that were in solitary confinement in prison and wondered, "how do they get through it?"
Then the answer came to me, "don't think about it, the mind is a powerful thing and if you don't think about the negatives, there are no longer negatives. Do the reverse, think of positives". That moment in time brought me back to my Ironman race mantra when I'm in pain, which is, "there is no other place I'd rather be".
That snapped me out of it. I started welcoming the semi-bonk and didn't care about my slow speed. I was focused on living in the moment and trying to keep my mind hopeful and spry. As I was riding down a part of Millbourgh line that I also do long runs on, it brought up some of those dig deep moments of utter un-enjoyment. I wondered what those runs would have felt like if I could have focused on the outside rather than the inside?
I have two concerns about racing ultras, the first is mental and the second is physical. Not only do I have to train my body to take the punishment, I need to train my mind to enjoy it. This ain't an Ironman where all you have to do is work a shift and a half.
When I got home I felt GREAT. The endorphins were flying around my body. Even though I was riding, it felt like a running endorphin high.
Although it should have been obvious before, I've now realized that I can get the same endorphin high from cycling as I do from running if I go long. Hopefully Matty O reads this, I know he struggles mentally when he can run if he's injured. Easy cure, cycle long.
I can't tell you how great of a feeling it is riding those last few kilometers of a long ride. I feel like I'm in heaven. I'm in the home stretch of an Epic Saturday ride. It's like taking a long hot shower for the soul. I feel so clean and optimistic on the inside. Even the air smells better. Today it reminded me of spring air in Winnipeg.
As I was finishing those last kilometer's it reminded me how much I love Saturday riding. If I was not on my 21-Day challenge of clean living, I would have came home, stretched, showered and started barbecuing steaks with a beer in my hand and a nice endorphin beer buzz happening. The beer would then continue to flow as Alice and I had our own little party downstairs at the Pig & Whistle.
Oh how I live for those Saturdays. Today was oh so close, everything was like that except no beer. Bummer, kind of. Right now it's more important for me to get my weight into my comfort zone AND THEN party. I consider it only a temporary sacrifice. I'll be out of the penalty box soon.
Long Bike - 3:16:50 / 85.22 km / 25.98 kph avg
[/caption][caption id="attachment_5806" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="They have this up ALL YEAR, it's now appropriate"]
[/caption]This morning as I was lying in bed, near waking, eyes closed and I heard little kids playing and freaked a little.
I was in a little bit of a panic, I didn't know where I was until I realized it was my neighbours two small little girls playing in their backyard.
Once I got my faculties back I was happy to hear them playing, it was a good sign that it might be warm enough to do my long bike ride outside today.
Last night I bought and assembled a new office chair, Reid destroyed my old one. The pneumatic lever doesn't work and I'm so low I feel like I little kid at the big table. My chest is at the same level as the desk.
This morning after waking, my first stop was my new chair and onto the computer. The next step was to check the temperature outside, it was a mild 3C, which means, "no indoor riding yet for me this year".
I checked my MAO program and saw I had a 3 hour ride scheduled. Since it's the off-season I've been cutting some of the workouts short and had a bit of a dilemma, "do I ride the full 3 hours or do something less?"
In my heart I wanted to do the full 3 hours. It would be my longest ride since Kona, October 9th. In just writing that sentence I realized it's already been 60 days since Kona. WOW. Time has flown by. No wonder I feel out of shape.
At this point, before I made up my mind on what to do, I visualized the situation. My first was watching myself ride 3 hours indoors on the trainer and the thought of putting my bike on a trainer and riding for 3 mind numbing hours was making me sick. So the first decision was made, to ride outside.
My second visualization was whether or not to go for 2 hours or 3 hours? I started by visualizing the 3-hour route, the distance, the sights, the turns and most importantly what it feels like when I'm having a great day and how enjoyable it can be doing that distance. I thought briefly about doing the 2-hour route and decided against it. Saturdays are for epic rides, not 2-hour weekday distances.
Before I left the house, I bundled up. I've got it down to a science. I've learnt the KEY to riding comfortably in cold weather (other than no snow on the roads) is warm feet and hands. If you can keep those parts of your body warm, the ride has a chance of being enjoyable. If you don't keep your feet and hands warm, even if the rides only 30 minutes long, it will be 30 minutes of hell and will feel much longer.
The only problem I had extremity wise was my feet were a little too warm. I had chemical toe warmers on the top and bottom of each foot. In hindsight I could have used just one on the top of each foot. With that said, I'd rather be safe than sorry.{{{*}}}
The only feet problem I had was after about 2 hours the bottom chemical toe warmer was agitating my foot on every down stroke. That extra 1/8" of toe warmer pad was aggravating and putting pressure on the ball of my foot. Overall, it was a small price to pay in order to stay off that indoor trainer.
As I was riding I was starting to wonder if I have MS or Lou Gehrig's disease. I have lost all my power and strength and have a tough time keeping my heart rate down even at the slower speeds. I was asking myself on my ride, "is this what 45 years old is supposed to feel like? Do I have a medical condition? Or is it just because I've been taking it relatively easy for 60 days and drank almost two kegs of beer all to myself in the first 5 weeks?"
Two hours into the ride I was getting hungry. I NEVER get hungry on a ride, I could feel my heart light burning out. I had some gels in my bento box still from Kona and I started to have one, then two, then three and then some Cliff Shot Bloks.
I NEVER eat gels on the bike. I only even had them on the bike because I hoarded them in Kona as I was going through aid stations. Even though I don't usually eat them, they're expensive and that's why I ask for them at bike and run aid stations, I want to get my registration monies worth. Today I had no choice but to use them, I was losing all my energy.
I'm sure this is going to sound weird, but I LOVED IT, my body crashing. It has been so long since I felt mortal. I was two hours into a ride and starting to feel semi-bonked. How cool is that? I've done 7-hour rides and felt fresher. Once you get into a bonk zone, it becomes epic. I don't care if your 1-hour into it or 8-hours into it, your body and mind know no difference.
When you get into the zone where your trying to squeeze every drop of gel out of that crappy little package, your into the epic zone. Rather than dread being in that zone, I embraced it. I didn't ask myself, "how much longer do I have until I'm home" or say, "man, I'm tired and hungry, why am I doing this?" or "you know, to do the full out and back it will take over 3 hours and you're only scheduled to do three hours so why not turn here and finish right at the 3-hour mark".
Nope. I didn't say any of those things at all. I said to myself, "how do I block any pain or discomfort. I need to learn the secret, I've got two Ultra's next year. If I'm going to ask myself why I'm doing this or thinking of the pain I'm in, or wondering if I should quit, I'm in trouble". Instead, I thought of guys that were in solitary confinement in prison and wondered, "how do they get through it?"
Then the answer came to me, "don't think about it, the mind is a powerful thing and if you don't think about the negatives, there are no longer negatives. Do the reverse, think of positives". That moment in time brought me back to my Ironman race mantra when I'm in pain, which is, "there is no other place I'd rather be".
That snapped me out of it. I started welcoming the semi-bonk and didn't care about my slow speed. I was focused on living in the moment and trying to keep my mind hopeful and spry. As I was riding down a part of Millbourgh line that I also do long runs on, it brought up some of those dig deep moments of utter un-enjoyment. I wondered what those runs would have felt like if I could have focused on the outside rather than the inside?
I have two concerns about racing ultras, the first is mental and the second is physical. Not only do I have to train my body to take the punishment, I need to train my mind to enjoy it. This ain't an Ironman where all you have to do is work a shift and a half.
When I got home I felt GREAT. The endorphins were flying around my body. Even though I was riding, it felt like a running endorphin high.
Although it should have been obvious before, I've now realized that I can get the same endorphin high from cycling as I do from running if I go long. Hopefully Matty O reads this, I know he struggles mentally when he can run if he's injured. Easy cure, cycle long.
I can't tell you how great of a feeling it is riding those last few kilometers of a long ride. I feel like I'm in heaven. I'm in the home stretch of an Epic Saturday ride. It's like taking a long hot shower for the soul. I feel so clean and optimistic on the inside. Even the air smells better. Today it reminded me of spring air in Winnipeg.
As I was finishing those last kilometer's it reminded me how much I love Saturday riding. If I was not on my 21-Day challenge of clean living, I would have came home, stretched, showered and started barbecuing steaks with a beer in my hand and a nice endorphin beer buzz happening. The beer would then continue to flow as Alice and I had our own little party downstairs at the Pig & Whistle.
Oh how I live for those Saturdays. Today was oh so close, everything was like that except no beer. Bummer, kind of. Right now it's more important for me to get my weight into my comfort zone AND THEN party. I consider it only a temporary sacrifice. I'll be out of the penalty box soon.
Long Bike - 3:16:50 / 85.22 km / 25.98 kph avg
Friday, December 10, 2010
Eye opener...
I did it. I had a good day of eating, starting with my morning grapefruit. I find there is no two stronger foods in helping lose weight than grapefruit and onions.I also got a reality check today. My biggest take away was getting a handle on food types, portions and calories.
To aid my diet, I reactivated my account at My Plate at Livestrong.com. It's a great site to log your food and automatically determines the volume of calories, proteins, carbs and fats. It's also an all-in-one site where you can log your exercise and goals.
I like the easy to use interface, you can log stuff in quickly either on your computer or iPhone and it's all synced. I used the program a couple of years ago and I liked it then and the changes they made since then make it even better.
Today I consumed 1826 calories and 1226 where at dinner alone. That blew me away. I didn't realize tortellini was that high in calories. According to the online software, because I exercised for an hour today, I still had 1600 calories available to me without gaining weight. Like I said, today was a good day.
I also spent part of my time looking at diets. I've been looking on and off for a month or so. The diet that keeps popping up is The Diet Solution. At first I thought it was on of those infomercial style diets. It kept coming up on a lot of my searches over the last month so I decided to watch the video.
I'm glad I did, I got a lot out of just watching the video alone. If not just re-affirmation. The program in-line with my diet beliefs, especially the discussion about insulin and fat burning. I've decided to base my diet on it's principles. {{{*}}}
My run today was fantastic. It was slow, yet enjoyable, especially as the light snow was starting to fall. I felt more optimistic than I have in a while. I think it's because I'm getting back on track work wise, diet wise and training wise. It feels good.
Oh, and maybe I feel good because the Christmas lights are now up as well. I did them this afternoon. Of course I had to pick a day when it was cold and my fingers froze. I had to go in the house halfway through putting them up to warm up.
Mod Run - 1:02:25 / 11.12 / 5:37.
Authors Note: If you like like my blog, please tell your friends to check it out, be physical if you have to. If you really like me blog, I've been kind enough to offer a VOLUNTARY Subscription plan and will take Donations. All money goes directly to the Training Payne Party Fund (although some goes to servers, software and sh*t) and none of it will be wasted on triathlons. I hope you enjoyed today's post, I worked damn hard preparing it. What's that Alice? Dog food again for dinner? Click here and Donate or here to Subscribe now, I want to get off Walmarts Uncle Roy dog food and onto Alpo.
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