The end of the Training Payne Chapter, the beginning of another...

Prior to the ITU Long Course World Championship I decided my days of daily blogging were going to come to an end. I’ve tried and failed to quit in the past, this time felt different. The timing is right.

Since November 2007 I started documenting my journey from fit to fat and then into age group world-class shape and all the trials and tribulations along the way.

June 2010 I sold my business and blogged since then privately about all the emotions and roller coaster journey I’ve been on. It combined training less and life in general and business more. As Simon says it was reality blogging.

Many a time since June 2010 I came to some dark days. Dealing with the post sale fallout in selling my business, starting with severing of the relationship with my dad, then not knowing what my future will hold and dealing with the lack of work structure and business direction. There was a lot of partying and I must say one of the biggest learning points in my life learning about myself.

I’m not going to go blow by blow the feelings I had or the lessons learnt, I did that daily. I’m just most proud that I was able to come through the other end and be more rejuvenated and optimistic than I have since pre-starting my business, when Alice and I were young and operating a lawn care business together. That time was the time I was also into triathlons; we lived together in a small one-bedroom house and had awesome dreams and hopes for the future.

During the following 20 years in business, we had some good times and lots and lots of bad times. In the process I lost my self and my spirit. Up until semi-recently I never thought I could get it back. I thought I was now an old dog and those past moments are for the youth or people that can fight the negatively and stay positive through it all.

I was wrong. This journey has given me my spirit back. I know more about myself than I ever have. I’ve fought many demons and am like a caterpillar shedding it’s shell and turning into a butterfly. As corny as that might sound it’s true.

I’m now embarking on a new journey. It’s no longer triathlon as the focus, although it’s not going away. My next journey is to take care of some unfinished business. I’ve never accomplished what I wanted to do in business. Sure I had grown a business, but it was never truly successful in my eyes in that it never created the personal wealth I wanted. I made so many mistakes and I believe have now learnt from them and now want a do-over.

My being is back, I feel in my early 20’s from an optimistic and spirit standpoint and I feel like a 45-year-old (or older) war veteran. I have now got a youthful spirit and wisdom. It’s been a rocky road to get her, I can’t believe I somehow got here and now I want to make the best of it. I want to show that I can succeed on my own in business. I want no one to blame but myself.

My next phase of challenge is not going to be easy. I’m not going to do what I did in 1990 when I co-founded Embassy. Back then I aborted Triathlons to focus solely on my business and 16-years later I was an out of shape and beaten man. I made lots and lots of mistakes.

Now I know I have to stay involved and fit and not leave triathlons, but not be as obsessive as I have been over the last 4 –years. This may be one of the biggest challenges.

With business in the past I was a man on a mission, I forgot about training, I forgot about family, I forgot about my health. Everything was secondary, business was number-one. Oh, what a mistake and I don’t want to make that mistake again.

Like I said, this is my do-over. The timing is perfect; I can do no more in the world of triathlons. Losing 50 lbs, then training hard enough to qualify for Clearwater 70.3 World Championships, Kona World Championship and then be selected to represent your Country in the ITU Long Course World Championships is a fairy tale ending. If I didn’t first hand experience this Journey I would think it was a movie and not real. Not to mention selling my business, which wasn’t very healthy, and losing money for a great deal of money relatively speaking.

Now that this race is over it’s time to let my body heal. It’s been through a lot in the past 4 .5 years. It’s beat up, it’s out of balance, it need’s a break. My first challenge is going to learn how to exercise and not train to a strict plan. To do what Mark Allen always suggested in the off-season, some unstructured training. Wake up and go with what you feel like doing.

I’m also at a stage in my life where I thinking the crazy high-school style, or for those that went to college, college partying is out of me. I definitely lit it up over the past 4.5 years and probably about 5 years before that out of escape, trying to numb the pain of not succeeding and not knowing it at the time but struggling with bipolar.

These past couple of months not drinking and getting back my focus have been liberating for me. I don’t miss getting drunk and waking up hung over. It was very destructive behavior. I still fought it by training through it and no one could argue with the results and I guess I needed to do it at the time I was still dealing with demons.

Now I feel like I’ve exercised those demons. I find I don’t need to get drunk to have a good time. Life can be rich without booze. It’s interesting, in my prime when I was full of hope and spirit, I quit drinking for 7-years from the age of 19 years old. That’s when I first turned my life around and lost weight and started triathlons. I only got back into drinking because of the financial stress of the business. I remember that first time I had a drinking in 7-years, I was at home and just couldn’t cope, I needed it. Then for the next 19-years I drank. I’m not saying my problem was booze it’s not, not at all and I’m not saying I’m going to quit drinking, I’m not.

What I am going to do is try a redo and I find that although I can drink and train, I have trouble drinking and then thinking or working the next day or two without being hazy. I don’t feel I can succeed financially and drink excessively.

I see my life changing in that I need to maintain my Ironman finishers shape, which is still probably a minimum of 8 – 10 hours of training per week, which also means I don’t have a lot of room to over consume calories without getting fat and drinking lots of beer and less exercise spells FAT. I can NEVER go back to my fat days that would kill me. It would set me back. Weight control and an Ironman fitness base is critical to my mental well –being.

I’ve now got to learn to succeed at work, succeed personally financially, have a great family life and stay fit and healthy. Not an easy task. Drinking a lot of alcohol can definitely set me back. I know from first hand experience and I don’t have another 20 years for another do-over.  Nor do I want to have to do another one.

I remember what it feels like to be full of life, hope, dreams and spirit. I’m getting back there; I’m near there now. I also know that exercise and fitness is a zero sum game, if you don’t use it you lose it. It doesn’t matter how much training you put in the past or how many Ironman’s you did. What did you do last week? Take 4 weeks off and you’ll think you’ve never been in shape. I don’t want this to happen to me. I know the journey to accomplish some of my non-athletic goals are going to be very difficult as I also must maintain being in shape, I can’t let my new goals kick my fitness goals off the table.

In many respects this may be the biggest challenge of my life. It’s been a wonderful 4.5 years getting in shape and accomplishing goals, now I have to keep going without losing what I’ve gained. In a way I regret and I’m happy I got an Ironman tattoo on my arm. I often look at it in the mirror and ask myself what was I thinking. Especially when my arms are looking a little flabby. Then I remembered that was part of the plan, by having the tattoo it will force me to keep in shape. I don’t want to be embarrassed at the gym or walking along a beach with no shirt on and have this fat guy with flabby arms and an Ironman tattoo having people snicker as I walk by and self conscious in the process. It’s a blessing and a curse having an Ironman tattoo.

I also want to continue doing Ironman’s, at least one every two years, just to keep my Ironman status. I think if you don’t do an Ironman after 3 years of not doing an Ironman you lose your Ironman Status. I don’t want to go more than two years in between. I also want to do them to enjoy them. Alice always says I get a little irritable and she doesn’t like it before an Ironman or big race. I’m a little too focused. I don’t want to do that, I want to be ready to do it and enjoy it, not pushing myself to beat my best time. Perhaps this may change for a year or so in my 50’s if I want to get back to Kona again, who knows. For now, I’m ready, I’m ready to have the courage to let the heavy training schedule go and try to have the courage to see it through.

I remember when the bipolar first episode program ended after 4-years of going in at least one a month for one on one sessions. They saw me go from fat to fit and Cindy, the nurse, and I talked about all my trials and tribulations. She saw me get to Clearwater and eventually qualify for Kona. She saw my book and called me her star patient. Even with all the progress I made I was scared. I was scared to leave that support network and thought I might end up going back to my old unhappy self without it.

Cindy assured me I was ready. I was ready to go on my own. She said with great certainty that there was no way I was going to regress and go back. She knew it with all her heart, it wasn’t even a question in her mind. For me I was scared.

Now it feels the same way. Instead of the program and Cindy, it’s letting go of crazy training. It’s having the courage not to train to excess. Hell, since I started my comeback I’ve gone against Mark Allen’s advice and have really not taken too much time off at all. I’ve been afraid. The training allowed me to party and to get drunk and to escape without having to worry about gaining weight or going into depression or anxiety from drinking. Which happens to people with bipolar.  Training has been my secret weapon and allowed me to venture off the course and keep me on the straight and narrow.

Now I’m scared again. I know physically I have to give my body a break. It’s messed up with over-training. I know I want to accomplish some career and personal financial goals, more personal financial. I know I want to say thin and fit. I know I want to enjoy my life and my family and still have the feeling of excitement and enjoyment of life without having to getting drunk to do it. I guess I really want to enjoy life and if I drink it’s never for escape or to mask the pain.

My blog is now coming to an end, it feels right, I know Alice is looking forward to it and I need to take those countless hours that I spend on blogging and apply them to my life. I will say I’m scared of not blogging. Blogging has been good to me. I’ve probably got more out of it than others have. It’s been the online support group, the online friends I’ve met that have become real life friends, the advice, and the peer pressure on many a training day to get the workout in and Suck it Up. I had rather do that than explain why I pussied out.

Who knows I may blog again. But I need to commit not to, at least for a year. I’m scared not to blog and facing ones fears is never a bad thing. I was scared of not having Cindy’s monthly visits and it worked out. I’m now scared of training less, not blogging and trying to reduce my partying levels and frequency. It’s all a new adventure for me.

In the journey, as I did this year with business, I’m building on the memories of my triathlon successes and applying those principals to my regular life, I’ve said more than once to myself, “if I can succeed in triathlons I can succeed in business”. I look at it like the others are competitors and I’m just as good as them.

I remember coming to Ontario and being intimidated by the people here. They were so much smarter and more successful. Even my first triathlons and running races I was amazed at how fast and fit these people were. How tough the competition was. The triathlon competition was way harder than Winnipeg.

Then I fast-forward 3 years and I’m finishing some of the races in 2^nd or 3^rd place. I beating some awesome athletes, qualifying for the world championships in the process and thinking, “if I can beat these Ontarians in triathlon, there should be no reason I can’t beat them or be as successful as them in business”.

The state of mind and confidence I’ve gotten from triathlons is something that I draw from everyday. In many ways, it’s my secret weapon and keeps me confident and optimistic. There has also been a LOT of life lessons learnt from training. And the card that John Barclay gave to me one Christmas saying, “Anything is Possible” is so true. I didn’t believe it at the time and he thought I’d be able to make Clearwater, I didn’t and played along with it and when I did, I thought, “damn, John was right, what did he see?” I didn’t even believe it. After I did that, I started to believe that maybe anything is possible.

So the Training Payne Blog comes to a close and this time I feel compete about it. In the past it never felt right trying to end it. I wasn’t ready. I am now. It will be strange being about to talk to people and tell them something they didn’t read about in the blog. It will be strange not having to write it every night or first thing in the morning.

This time I’m ready for the next chapter in my life. I’m scared, but feel it’s time for the baby bird to leave the nest. I see what I did in the triathlon world in less than 5 years, and the results were big even within the first 2 – 3 years. What could I do in my career world with the same application of hard work and determination that I brought to my training. I can’t see it not working if I follow those same principles.

I’m cautiously optimistic, confident and scared all at the same time. Yet I’m ready. Thanks for following and all the great support, advice and friendship. Even though I'm no longer blogging, it doesn't mean the great friendships I've made along the way end, it just means we'll have to keep in touch offline. 

To end using one of my favourite lines from the Dos Equis guy, "Stay thirsty my friend". Next time we talk, I'll have stories you don't know about in advance. haha

   

Perhaps my greatest effort...

This morning the alarm went off at 5:30 am and I was fresh. I got to bed around 9:30 pm. It was a really good sleep, especially before a race.

Getting ready was standard fare, no issues. Into the shower, shave, get dressed, contacts in, warm weather clothes on, bagel ate, water bottles filled and mixed and this morning there was an additional duty in having to get my race number tattoo's on. I did check the weather and it was in the 40's. It was dark and cold. Not what I like, but this is long distance triathlon, we're tough and some say stupid.

As we were going down the elevator and English guy asked us if we knew the swim was cancelled. It threw me. I asked why. He was a bit pompous, and asked "have you ever heard of hypothermia?" I said yes, he then explained that it causes people to get sleepy and shiver and they can lose control and crash going down hills. I told him "I get it". Basically in the spirit of "don't be an a-hole and talk down to me".

I was more shell shocked than anything. This wasn't even in the realm of thought. My first thought was I put in 50 km of swimming in the last 7 weeks, damn I want to swim. Then I thought, I've been in races just as cold, even colder. Ironman St. George was colder water and in the high 30's or low 40's outside, that was two years ago and we still swam then biked. Hell, getting hypothermia is part of the epic Ironman race journey, or in this case long course experience. We're not pussies.

The main issue is it's the ITU and they run things differently than WTC Ironman races. ITU is more political as all the Countries are involved and they are very, very strict with the rules. All week I've been careful not to do anything that will get me disqualified. Even race morning, when I normally pee in the bushes rather than wait in line, I didn't do. I was afraid they'd have an ITU official in the bushes.

It turned out that the race was now going to be a bike and run with a time trial start, every bike going off in 5 second intervals. I must say it was cold this morning. I had my team Canada riding jacket on and I was still cold. I had flip flops on and my feet were starting to freeze up. The jacket was meant to be more of the parade outfit than a racing jacket. It turned out that most of the Canadian Team members that I saw decided to race with the jacket. Rather than go with my original plan of arm warmers and Paul's cycling vest, I decided to be safe and go with the jacket and my running gloves. It wasn't an easy decision. I waffled back and forth. Even right up to the start line I was waffling and had I seen Paul with the clothes bag I gave him with my arm warmers and the vest inside I might have changed into them. Me not seeing him until the the time I was ready to start was a positive omen that said, wear the jacket.

I was debating my plan for the last couple days, do I go with an all out strategy, balls to the walls like a half Ironman or do I go with more of a don't go over 143 bpm for the race and race it like an Ironman. It's a distance between a half and full Ironman. I have no experience racing that distance. I decided to go with the balls to the wall strategy, my ultimate plan was to finish totally exhausted, collapsible exhausted. Hell I'm racing for my Country God Dammit!!!

As I was standing near my bike with the other Canadians in my age group, the team manager who I met a few days ago walked up to me and started chatting. He mentioned that the long course athletes are so easy to take care of, very self sufficient. Turns out that the sprint and Olympic distance athletes need a lot more hand holding. He figured maybe because they have only a year or two experience. I told him that most of the guys here would have no problem swimming today. Hell guys dropping out for hypothermia are what long distance races are all about . It adds to the epic-ness. Oh, and short course triathletes aren't in the big leagues. They are still baby triathletes until they do at least one Ironman distance race.

One of the guys in my row, also the team doctor, mentioned that the last portion of the ride is straight into a headwind and up hill and suggested that we reserve energy for those winds and hills and to have something left for the run. The run is four 7.5 loops and all uphill in one direction and all downhill the other. I figured what does he know, it's only 120 km, I do 7 hour rides, I'm going for broke. Plus he said he's never done an Ironman, just half Ironmans. Heck I've done 9 Ironmans, how could I take his advice over my own? Famous last words.

We pulled up to the line, it was very official. Odd racing bib numbers on the right, even on the left. The countdown guy used his fingers on a clip board counting down and bang I was off. Out of the resort area to the highway is pretty much all up hill. The minute I started it was climbing. I expected to be catching people like most races and passing them. I didn't, it was tough. These guys are fairly good and going off in 5 second intervals kept the distances fairly lengthy. Immediately my heart rate was in the 155 - 160 bpm zone. For me on a half, that's the read line. Even getting it up over 162 on the bike at any time is hard. There was many a time I hit 162 bpm on the bike today. Considering even in training I can't get it over 162 bpm on all out speed work, that shows the level of my intensity.

I was so looking forward to getting off the hills of the resort area and onto the highway around Lake Mead. I knew it started downhill at the exit of the resort and the wind was going to be at our backs. It seemed like a long time before we got out of the resort area. I had a few guys pass me from the Great Britain Team, then the Germans. I wasn't too discouraged, I know every team has their uber cyclists, it's to be expected. I was a little discouraged in that I wasn't catching as many people as I usually do. In the beginning I was getting passed by more people than I was passing. I wasn't feeling weak either. If I was feeling weak that would make sense. I was as strong on the bike as I ever have been.

We finally got out of the hotel area and onto the highway into the Lake Mead park area. Going up the hills at the resort area I was starting to heat up and thinking that having a jacket on was the wrong call. After I got out onto the highway that train of thought all changed. I was getting cool with the jacket on. Even my hands were cold with the gloves on and my toes were definitely getting cold.

When we got to the highway I started to fly. We got to the highway under 30 kph average and got to the first turnaround 30 minutes later at 33.8 kph average. I also started to catch and pass some guys. Overall I'd say I caught and passed as many guys that caught and passed me. There was not many guys flying past me or me them. There was a few, one big German for sure.

It's funny, all day long I was passing 20 - 25 year olds. They started way before us, we were in the 400's and they were in the 100's. It just shows that the older guys are better than most of the younger guys. I think it's because long distance triathlons are as mental and physical and us older guys are prepared to push it harder. I also think younger guys muscles and bones aren't ready for long distance triathlons. I know many a coach tells there younger athletes not to look at doing Ironman's until they are in their late twenties or early thirties.

We turned around into the wind and it was not as fast, the next 30 minutes I got the average down to 31.8 kph. Then it was a wind up on our back to go up the other side of the lake. It's the toughest side of the climb for sure, I caught a lot of guys on the hills. Never did my heart rate go below 150 bpm and was up to 162 bpm many a time.

The other side of the lake is up most of the way until the turnaround and we had the wind at our back. Then it turns around and the wind was in our face and for the next 50 km we were getting a wind in our face to the finish. Not to mention the toughest inclines were coming in the last 30 km. The wind was bad enough that on some of the steep declines I had trouble getting the speed to 33 kph. When we got out of the highway part of the ride and onto the final 30 km of non vehicle path I was thinking I hope it's not to bad other than the first three major hills, which they call the three sisters. Technically it was a tough ride in that there was a couple of 90 degree angles and you couldn't always see where the trail was headed and you had to ride carefully.

By this last 30 km I could tell I was getting spent. I started going up the sisters and the first electrical jolt went through my body telling me I was in the red zone. It's not a bonk, but it's getting there. Throughout the ride the hills were bad enough that I had to go in the small ring, which I rarely do, and spin up the hills or even put it in the lowest gear and stand on my pedals to get up the hills. When I started standing on my pedals on that first sister hill I had the electric shock and energy drain from my chest, like ET, my heart light was draining. It didn't get easier, I had at least three more of those jolts before coming into T2.

With about 12 km left to the finish I saw another fellow Canadian at the side of the bike path. There was also another Canadian riding his bike in front of me. We both stopped to ask him if he was okay. We may be racing, but helping someone, regardless of the team is the spirit of Ironman. He flatted and didn't have a tubular. We both had one and literally had to convince the guy to take ours, he was reluctant, he didn't want to hold up our race. The other cyclist that stopped insisted and when he started taking out his spare I knew they didn't need me any longer and I took off. It was about a 30 second stop.

The next 12 km was tough, it seemed like a flat and it was inclining, it was a false flat. I was averaging about 22 kph on what looked like a flat and 16 kph on the gradual inclines. There was about 3 miles of down hill that was nice although it wasn't as fun or as fast as it could be with the wind in your face. With 12 km to go I was ready to get off the bike. I was spent. My heart rate was still high, I was giving it all I had.

Those last 12 km seemed like a lifetime. Earlier in the ride my arms were a little sore, and my rear end and seat bones were hurting. Those both were fine now,  but my energy was fading. I've never had that happen to me in an Ironman that I can remember. It may have happened in 1991 when I trained only 6 weeks before doing an Ironman and suffered for 14 hours and that doesn't count, I wasn't in shape. This was weird, I was in great shape and fading from going as hard as I could.

I finally got to the bike dismount line, a sight for sore eyes. They had two lines and I didn't know which one was the dismount line. Knowing this was the strict ITU I got off at the bike at the first line I saw. I erred for caution. I later found out that first line was the START of the dismount area. When I got off the bike I could hardly walk, let alone run. I've NEVER felt that slow off the bike before. I couldn't believe it. I'd never experienced it, I was scared winding if I could even run. Normally I'm fluid and fast off the bike.

I got to the tent and took longer than normal to get my cycling gear off and running gear on. I had my Ensure drink, my fourth of the day. I had three on the bike alone. Even more shocking that I was out of energy after taking in lots of calories all day.

I had trouble pulling my cycling jacket off over my big garmin watch, the wrists of the jacket were tight. Also, it's official, I decided to run with the Captains hat on. I checked with the team managers earlier in the week and they said you can run with whatever hat you like. Bingo. Captain's on. Hell the race seemed so grassroots and I didn't want any regrets. I have pictures of the captain finishing Clearwater, Kona and now ITU World Long Course. Wearing the Captain's hat is my trademark.

I was surprised to start running half decent out of the tent and thought maybe my legs are okay after all. I did a quick porta pottie stop and was off on the run course, it was four laps. It didn't take long for me to realize I wasn't going to have a 7:15 per mile pace. I started running around 7:45 pace, which is slow, I normally start Ironmans at 6:15 - 6:30  pace. Within a mile I was at an 8:00 minute pace and it kept slowing from there.

My legs were exhausted from mile one on the run. They weren't cramping, just exhausted. Now I had another 17 miles of running with tired legs. There was NOTHING in them, they were flat, dead flat. My times started getting slower and slower and by the first lap I was running around an 8:15 per mile pace. I knew this run was going to be all mental. As much as I wanted to walk, my legs weren't demanding it, it was just leg exhaustion and the mental strain of toughing it out for 18 miles.

I was really starting to break down mentally. I stopped myself right away. I told myself this is the World Championships. Suck it up!!! Do your Country proud. You may not finish as fast as you wanted but your goal was to give it every thing you had and finish with nothing left in the tank. Suck it up. No walking.

Everyone was passing me. I'm used to passing many more than pass me. Not today. After I started the run I remembered the curse of the captains hat. Everyone notices you and cheers you on. It means you can't walk and you have to wave and say hi and salute and give the hang loose sign as you run by. You can't even go into your mental shell and zone out. With a 4 loop course, out and back, you see the main crowd 8 times. That's 8 times that they are are going to be cheering you. There is no hiding whatsoever. Another reason you can't walk. I didn't want to be at the world champions and let my country down by walking and having it noticed by all watching. I'd hate to hear, hey did you see that guy from Canada with the Captain hat walking.

I got a lot of Captain cheers. There was also a lot of Canadians. With my name on the front of my tri-top and wearing the captains hat I got a few go Captain Payne shouts. I was also surprised to hear a go Bryan. I don't know who that was from. They must have been looking in the program. There was a LOT of GO CANADA's when I'd run by. Big groups, large flags, waving and they were there the entire time. Like clockwork I knew when I came around that specific corner I was going to her cheers and GO CANADA. I also heard a lot of LOVE THE HAT!!!  There was a lot of cheering the entire day. Go Captain, Go Canada, GO Payne, Go Canada!!!

The only time I walked was for a few brief seconds through an aid station to drink water or coke. I also loaded up on gels. I think I had more gels during this race than I've had in my life all put together. I didn't eat anything for the first hour, just water and felt myself fading. I knew I had to start eating or it would get ugly. My heart rate the entire time was in the 150's to 160's. I think the lowest was in the 140's down hill, maybe the odd 138 bpm for a brief period. I ended up averaging around a 9:15 pace over the 30 kms. My immediate goal during the race was to just keep running, the uphills were killer. My secondary goal was to try and finish under 3 hour and not hit the 10 minute mile average pace.

Mentally I found 4 loops hard. It's also all elite age group athletes your racing with and everyone is giving it there all. Very few walking or not for long. I just sucked it up. As I was finishing the last lap I was determined to keep it going. I started to think about the race and figured I'll remember this race as my biggest accomplishment. It was my hardest effort, I gave it my all and in the eye of wanting to stop and walk I never did, I kept pushing forward. I was also wondering if there was a way that I could cut the course and still hit the timing mats? I wasn't serious, but that's how much it hurt. I was thinking of ways to avoid the inevitable pain and suffering.

On the last loop I started playing mental games, I know what 6 km looks like at home on my training runs. I can do it. It's not that hard. Hey fat women that take up running for the first time slog out 5 km, if they can do it I can do it. It was games like this I was playing in my mind. It was also games like, you wanted to give it your all and you are doing it, you're succeeding. The finish time may suck and you're better than your finishing time, but your effort today is probably the best effort you've ever done. The next closest may have been Louisville, my first comeback triathlon in 93 F heat. The run was super hard and I didn't stop. The only difference from Louisville to today was I was totally spent at the end of today and the course was shorter.

I managed to make it through the crowd for the last time and on the last down hill I tried to run faster. If I was running faster, it wasn't noticeable. I went down the finishing chute and I didn't even realize the finish was so close. It was fairly empty. I saw Paul, he yelled out. I stopped about 20 metes from the end of the chute, ran back and gave him a high five and then went on my way to the finish. I started to high five people for the last 10 meters and I would have started sooner if I knew it was the finish line chute and I wasn't so mentally spent and focusing on just wanting to cross that finish line. There was no one at the finish to catch you. Just the timing sign above. I actually wondered if I had crossed the finish or not at the time, no one seemed to be there. It turns out I did finish.

Next thing I know they took off the timing chip and I was in the food tent. Awesome spread, lots of hot pasta, garlic bread and gourmet chicken breast. Not your standard piece of Pizza you get at Ironman events. I wasn't hungry. I almost didn't eat at all. The only reason I ate was I knew it was an anti-bonking move. No chicken though. I riffled the food down, found a New Zealand flag at my table, took it and hustled out. Turns out they don't give finishers medals. That was a bummer. Oh well. I still finished and I did it my way. I gave it every thing I had. I could hang my head high.

Paul was waiting for me outside of the gate. I came out and it was off to pick up my bags and my bike and get back to the hotel. All I wanted was a hot shower and to lie on my bed and relax. I was so glad this race was over and I was very, very proud of myself. I kept telling Paul that this was perhaps my best race ever, not from a finishing time standpoint, but from an effort and giving it everything I had standpoint. I did the best I could on this day, I had nothing better in me.

Why so slow. Who knows. Who cares. It could have been partly from the concussion I got a few weeks ago. Or the low Sodium problems from two weeks ago. Or not tapering enough and doing 400 km of training and racing since last Friday while spending time in Vegas. Or going out too hard on the bike and blowing up. Who knows. My plan was to give it my all and I did.

I've said it many a time, you can't predict how well a race is going to go until you get into it. There are times you feel great going in and you have a terrible race, and there is times you feel lousy going in and set a personal best. Ironman and long distance races are like that, they are unpredictable, even for the pros.

Again, my goal way to give everything I had, and I did that. My goal was to do my country proud and I believe I did that. I fought the race day I want to quit demons and I beat them. I didn't let them slow me down, I didn't let them make me stop. I didn't get discouraged. I persevered and gave it the best I had in me today. I finished with absolutely no regrets. Who can ask for anything more.

We got back to the hotel. I had my shower. Paul went for a run and I called Alice and filled her in on how the race went. I'm now officially missing the family. It's time to come home. It's been about 9 or 10 days that I've been in Vegas. I also know that I have no desire to come and race this course again, it's damn hard. Not suited for me. With 7000 feet of climbing over 120 km on the bike and 2000 feet of climbing over 30 km on the run, and in the cold and wind, it's no fun. Although it was memorable. Even without the swim it had some epic-ness in it.

Tonight hey had the awards banquet. The food was awesome. It kicks any Ironman's ass on the food scale. First class and well worth the $30. We sat at a table with a bunch of Kiwi's, very down to earth and fun. One of the guys finished twelfth in my age group. He was 45 minutes faster than me. I ended up looking at the results and noticed a couple things. Most of the top 10 had bike rides in the 19 miles a hour mark. I was 18. Only one guy hit 20 mph. That just showed me this was one damn hard bike ride.

I also realized that on a better day with my past times and if I was able to bike and run as fast, I would have finished in the top 10. I think I could have shed at least 45 minutes to 1 hour off my time. It turns out I'm now officially ranked 52nd in the world and 6th in Canada. Not bad for a not so good day speed wise.    If they had a suck it up and finish with nothing in the tank day I definitely would have been in the top 10.

We watched the first part of the awards, very grass roots style. Reminded me of Ironman's 23 years ago. I had a $50 gift certificate to spend from the hotel and we headed down to the bar. I had 3 Amstel while relaxing after the race in the room, a couple of Heineken's at the event and then another 3 or 4 Amstels at the bar after the award banquet.

We left the awards show early and headed for the hotel lounge. Within 45 minutes it was full of triathletes. We even seen the guy who told us about the swim being cancelled. The funniest was him looking like he was going to get it on with a young girl about 30 his junior. He had his wedding ring on, it was obvious he was married, and she seemed to be into him, they were lightly touching each other. I pulled out my camera too late and started video taping them. It was too late, I missed the action. If I did get it I would have put it on my You Tube channel for sure. He was a pompous jerk and I would have loved to see his wife see it and have him squirm.

By 10 pm, Paul was ready to hit the room and I was 2 beers away from nose up and partying like a madman. Had I went for 2 more beers I wouldn't have got back until the wee hours of the morning. Instead I did the responsible thing and finished my beer and joined him. If I didn't t was going to pay the price, my flight is at 9:25 am tomorrow morning and I didn't want to hurt during my travel home. I will say it felt good to leave early and stay out of any trouble and get to bed sober.

When we got back to the room I wanted to show Paul how fast I could pack my bike with my case. It took just over 8 minutes from start to finish. I wasn't even rushing. Then I showed off and in another 8 minutes put in some other stuff and closed it up. Sixteen minutes total, not bad. The last time I think I did that was Ironman China and I was still drunk and I had to do it right away in order to make our flight. I think I only had about an hour's sleep after the post race party before I had to pack up and leave. I think John Barclay was amazed I could even do it. I know I was. I still can't believe it. I was in no condition to function. All I wanted to do was miss my flight and stay in China an extra day and sleep the effects of the beer away.

I'm now packed and ready to go. I had Paul sign the back of my racing bib to commemorate the event, kind of like the signing of a yearbook.

Paul took pictures of the race today and I downloaded them. The finishers shot and many shots on the run capture how I felt. Especially the last one when I came down the finishers chute. I was in the hurt locker and forever when I look at that picture I'll remember what I felt like and I'll be proud of what I over came in my mind and proud that I did my absolute best today. I couldn't have done better. Mission Accomplished.


Race Bike - 4:07:12 / 18.1 kph avg
T2 - 4:05
Race Run - 2:52:44 / 9:18 per mile pace
52 / 70 age group
6 / 10 Canada

Day before the Day of...

It was a lazy day today. I got a good sleep, 8 hours plus. Did some work, Paul sleep in til 10:30 am and after he got up I went for a 15 min bike ride and 15 minute run. The weather is definitely getting cooler. Tomorrow its supposed to be 43F with a high of 59 F. It's going to be a cold race.

I spent most a lot of time patiently getting my gear ready, I love a non rush atmosphere to get ready, it gives me a comfort level that I haven't missed anything. We headed over to the bike drop off around 2:30 pm. It was just starting to get dark and cloudy and close to raining. As I walked my bike and gear down to the bike drop off one of the volunteers suggested I should bring my bike gear in the morning so it doesn't get wet tonight.

It wasn't an easy decision. The more I thought about it and my shoes and socks getting wet I decided to risk it and take my bag back to the hotel and bring it in the morning. I hope I don't get in trouble. They said we have access to our bikes and bags tomorrow and the volunteer said it was okay, I hope he's right.

It definitely looks like an old school race. There wasn't a huge amount of bike racks. Again, it feels very grass roots. I spoke to Alice today and she mentioned it sounds like a race she would like from a spectator standpoint. Easy to watch, easy to see me.

Our next stop was the Loews hotel. I booked a room for the next two nights. I wasted to be close to the start and not have to drive back to the Best Western after the post race dinner and awards, especially after a few beers. I've vowed never to drink even one beer and drive again. So for the next two nights I'm renting two hotels. Good thing I got the best western for $35 per night.

We got to the room and Paul went for an 1:20 minute run on the hotel treadmill. It was now raining outside. I drove to the local Albertson's and picked up some water, popcorn, sunflower seeds and salt and vinegar chips. I need to get a little salt top up and some bagels for the morning. Oh, and I also picked up 12 Amstel Light. I don't know how many I'll be drinking, my flight is Sunday at 9:25 am, and I need to be to the airport 2 hours early, but I do want to be prepared at least for a few.

We had an early dinner and went to an Italian restaurant about a mile away. I had my traditional pre race meal of egg plant parmigiana. If all goes well I'll have a good download before the race. We got back to the room around 7 pm and I called down for a 5:30 am wake up call.

I'm looking forward to the race and I'm not. The part I'm not looking forward to is the cool weather. I'm borrowing Paul's cycling vest and will be wearing it over my uniform. I'm also wearing my arm coolers, which are kind of like warmers, I used them in St. George when it was cold two years ago, they worked well.

My plan for tomorrow is to try and go as hard as I can. I'm going to try and do a half Ironman pace, maybe slightly slower on the bike. I'll know by 20 minutes into the bike if my legs are going to be strong enough to have a good ride. I wore my full compression tights for about 6 hours hoping that will help. It couldn't' hurt.

For the rest of the night I watched some TV and ate some of my snacky salty food. I'm racing tomorrow and it turned out Paul went to bed first. He feel asleep at 8:30 pm. That's cool, my plan is to get to bed by 9-9:30 am and get up at 5:30 am tomorrow.

I'm really hoping I have a good race tomorrow. I'm curious to see how this distance feels and I hope it's not too cold. The run I'm not worried about the cold, it's just on the bike. The water I already know is cold.

I did get a couple of good omens today. I felt less bloated and our room has the number 13 in it. My favorite number. Fingers crossed for tomorrow.

Easy bike - 15:14 / 7.25 km / 28.5 kph avg
Easy Run - 15:06 / 2.96 km / 5:10 avg pace.

Today was one dam busy day, up at 6:55 am and it was go, go, go.all day.

Started with a phone conversation with Bill from Picaboo  regarding yearbooks. Then Paul and I headed over to the Loew's race hotel to meet up with Team Canada for a light 9:30 am ride.

The ride was nice and easy, the greatest part of it was it went on a trail system I didn't know existed and was part of the ride. It's the section that takes you from the near entrance of Lake Mead to the T2 Transition area. It has some good, but shorter climbs on it and in parts was very technical.

It was an easy ride, I went for 30 minutes out and Paul went longer. It was up hill out and downhill back, it only took me 21 minutes to return from my first 30 minutes. Perfect. I found going up some of the uphills I was breathing hard. I couldn't tell if my legs were feeling strong or not. I guess the upside is I know they weren't feeling weak. I was just breathing hard, labouring. I was surprised, I thought I had already acclimatized. Later in the day I was speaking to some of the other athletes and they mentioned that either the altitude or the dryness was getting to them as well.

As I waited for Paul, I picked up a coffee, chatted with people, got a mini shot of a group out front of the hotel. Too some pictures of the Resort Hotel. It's very nice, you don't feel like your in Vegas. Afterwards we headed back to the room and then off to the expo. I wanted to exchange my white jacket for a grey on. I knew I had too. I didn't have Paul say, "hey great jacket" and the night before at dinner with Barb and Jamie, Barb didn't like the jacket, she said it looked very Floridian. I guess like a senior citizen. All I needed was the white shoes and belt. I'm glad I got that feedback, I knew it. I was getting bad driving fang shui, I didn't even like looking at the white arm of the coat when I drove and couldn't' see myself calling on a customer in that jacket.

We got there and they still had the grey coats and the guy had no problem with me exchanging it. I was relieved, one less thing to deal with. We stayed at the expo for about all of 5 minutes then headed back towards the resort for the 2:30 pm Team Canada lake swim, stopping on the way to have lunch at a local sandwich shop.

The water was cool, at least to me. I got in the water and just started swimming and I had that chest tightening and quasi-panicking experience. I've had it before and I'm now becoming an expert on how to self talk myself through it. The key is now to get into the water before every race and swim for 100 or 200 meters and warm up in the water. Because there was no other bodies banging into me I didn't panic, I just swam easy and told myself that I'll warm up and it will be fine. Which it was.

I was expecting we do about a 50 minute swim and was surprised when I saw most of the team turning around at the 10 - 15 minute point. Paul and I decided to go a little longer, we were literally by ourselves now. Swimming near side by side and no support crew. We turned around at the 15 minute mark and then took a wrong turn on the way back and added a little distance. We finished at around 33 minutes. It was the perfect distance for me and a nice easy swim. My wetsuit also felt great, I love the sleeveless. I noticed in a picture I had taken of me after the swim that it looks like I may have cut a little to much off the bottom leggings. Although I really don't care other than from a fashion sense. I did it so that I can pull my wetsuit off easier when I get out of the water.

We were pretty much the last out of the water and then I had to put on my uniform and we went to the Canadian Team Meet and great and Team photo. It went on from about 3 pm - 5:30 pm. I pretty much talked with Paul the whole time except for a time that I met a guy from Quebec. It's interesting and I'm not sure if it's just me or him too, but I feel like French people are somewhat foreigners. We are both cordial to each other but kind of don't like each other. We are technically both Canadians yet we don't seem to share that bond as true Canadian brotherhood like I feel when I speak to all other non-French Canadians. With him I tried to be a nice as possible, yet it was an uncomfortable conversation on my part.

Eventually they did the Team Canada group shot. Then Quebec decided to have a Quebec Only athletes group shot. I decided to sneak into the Team Quebec team shot. Hehe. Why not screw up their precious Team Quebec shot. I'm sure they'll all be asking, "who was that guy on the end?" The funny part is the guy I was speaking to will say, "he I met that guy, he's not from Quebec!!!". I love it. Paul got a good laugh.

After the group shots it was the pasta dinner and parade of nations. I thought we'd all be in a big parade, it was a little anti climatic. It's that they call on each country and a flag bearer appears and stands at the front. Up until the dinner I didn't see very many athletes. I was starting to wonder if the race was just Canada, USA, New Zealand and a couple from Great Britain and Australia. I was expecting it to be like Kona and see lots of uber athletes constantly running, biking and swimming. On all my rides I think I passed about 4 cyclists and only 2 on tri bars. Very few people we running or swimming. So I was pleasantly surprised to see a full ballroom. I can only assume most are staying down on the strip.

Canada has a big group, over 100 athletes and the U.S has 200 plus. The other big group, and fun acting group is New Zealand. It seems that only Canada and New Zealand were wearing team uniforms for the dinner. The atmosphere is very different than Kona or Clearwater, very much more grass roots feel. It reminds me of the Ironman's and half Ironman's from 20 - 25 years ago.

One definite upside to Kona or Clearwater was the food was better. It was still your standard fare pasta, etc, although it seemed a little better prepared and presented. Again, like 20 years ago. The opening speeches didn't' go very well, somewhat amateur in feel. Most of the people the poor announcer was recognizing and asking to stand up were not at the dinner. It was becoming comical. I felt for the guy.

After the speeches after dinner there was a small break to mingle and then the athletes mandatory briefing. I normally bail on these thing but didn't dare. Partly because I wanted to commit to absorbing the entire experience, the other reason was the rules are a little different than Ironman and they are very struck about enforcing them at ITU events. I learnt the one primary rule that you must keep 12 meters behind other bikes, and you only have 20 seconds to pass. That's 6 bike lengths behind. Ironman is 3, and with only 20 seconds to pass that's not a lot of time.

I also learnt today that the course changed from what I ran on Sunday. The map they had on the site was different than the actual run. The actual run looks a little easier. I think. It's now four out and back loops. What everyone keeps talking about is the cool weather that we are expecting to have on Saturday, it's going to be unusually cool out, I think they are calling for a high of 59 C.

For me I'm mentally working on my strategy. Do I go all out hard like I do for a half Ironman or do I somewhat pace myself like a full Ironman. It's an in-between distance and I'm not sure. If I go all out it could be a very unpretty finish at near collapse or maybe not? I'm leaning more to go all out and see what happens. I'm just praying I have my bike legs.

I will say that I'm feeling bloated again. I'm drinking lots, eating lots and not going to the bathroom very much. I'm wondering where all the food is going. I can also tell my face is a little bloated. This is either a good sign or a bad sign. I am looking forward to racing, I'm forcing myself to keep positive, optimistic and savour the race and I'm also looking forward to post race regular exercise and getting my body back to some normal state and eating normal. It's the next phase of my life after this race on many levels, work, training, diet, drinking. I don't plan, nor want to drink as much as I used to. I feel like I had a great ride and now I'm enjoying the ride of sobriety.

The even finished around 8:30 pm, it was a long day, we started early and didn't seem to have a spare minute all day long. We got back to the room, I did an update on the blog, Paul went out to the 7-11 around the corner and when he got back we chatted till near midnight. Paul had some vodka and at first didn't know if he wanted a drink, I insisted. There should be no reason he doesn't kick back and relax. I'd be pissed if he didn't kick back and enjoy himself, he ain't racing, at least one of us should be chilin.

We ended up talking pretty much most of the night. Along with most of the day. When you bunk with someone and your sitting around in your underwear chatting it pretty much brings you back to summer camp sort of days. I've always loved it. I'm takes you back to being young and not having to act like a grown up. It's very similar to riding and talking. Paul's a very interesting guy. We both enjoy business and talking about business and when you don't know much about another guys business or industry I find it very interesting. Some of the stuff he deals with is amazing and how he deals with it. Some of his stories of how he deals with his "Bikers", which is southern word for "Bankers", was totally of the way funny. I pulled a Jamie Grant when I sold my business, he doesn't know Jamie, but he too was pulling a form of a Jamie grant with his bankers. Paul's a super interesting guy. I could listen to his experiences and stories all day long.

By close to midnight Paul couldn't keep his eyes open, it was lights out time. He's still on EST time and he's been up early, busy day and some post night cocktails. Tomorrow's a relaxing day, I said I have no plans to get up early, let's sleep in and take it easy. Other than a short bike and run, all I have to do is drop off my bike and run gear. Oh, and move to the Loews hotel. We are going to spend the next two night's there. I figured it will let me sleep in a little more and the post race banquet is there and if I have some drinks I don't have to drive back to the hotel. I'm now fully committed not to drink and drive, not once.

One conversation that I was thought was interesting was we got on the conversation of kids. He had to have a birds and the bees talk with his son, which was to say the least uncomfortable, especially for the soon. He asked me if I had that conversation with my son? I haven't and I doubt I will. I remember my dad having it with me and it was the most awkward moment for both of us. I think it lasted about 10 seconds and went - Dad -"I guess your getting older now, do you know about girls and pregnancy?". Me- "Yes, and I don't want to talk about this". Then we both went back to watching TV. I told Paul that unless Alice asked me to talk to him there was no way I'm talking to him.

We also got onto the topic of swearing. I said I love swearing. Do it all the time and it's something I don't hold back in front of the kids. He seemed a little surprised. He doesn't swear in front of his kids. I told him my parents never swore in the house, we didn't' swear in the house in front our parents and when i first had Alyssa I remember wondering if I was going to swear in front of her. I think I tried not swearing and eventually it came out one, then twice and then there's no putting the gene back int he bottle. I did say that our kids never swear in front of us, which I like, I'd probably get upset if they did swear. I'm sure they do swear, all kids do. I just find it very cool and respectful and their part that they don't in front of Alice and I. I've said it before many a time, we have great kids. Compared to some of the stories I hear from other parents and problem kids, we are totally blessed. I take no credit, it's all Alice. I still can't believe that this year one of Reid's friends was calling his mom a bitch at the cottage and Reid was a guest listening to this. If Reid did that to Alice, which he would never ever do out of respect, I'd have a come to Jesus talk with him.

So far, great trip. Very different race atmosphere. Talking to many of the athletes I was surprised that many hadn't done a lot of Ironman distance races, maybe it was just the ones I spoke to. They may have done one and lots of halves. So far, the uber athletes you see in Kona have not yet appeared, maybe they are hiding. This race brings me back to the old days. I'm sure Alice would agree and would like this one as it would be easier to view and find people after. I think, we'll see Saturday.

Easy Bike - 51:38 / 21.07 km
Easy Swim - 32:59 / 1600 meters.

Paul arrives...

Up AGAIN early, 6:55 am, no alarm, felt good that my yearbook white paper stuff was over. It was a lot of work, very mentally challenging. Beneficial though, it got my head back into the yearbook business.

I did have a brief conversation with Bill to discuss my yearbook document and about 5 minutes into it he got a call from his wife, there was an injury she had and he had to go. Turns out she chipped off half her tooth playing hockey. I knew she was a shorter distance triathlete, now I learn she's a hockey player too. The plot thickens.

This morning I did a little work on the caricature website and RCM. I made some additional design changes, hopefully the final ones. By 10:30 I left to get registered. The expo was fairly small, more like a grass roots race than an Ironman. The check in was standard, here's some forms, sign the forms, here's your timing chip, your goodie bag and you're registered.

There was only about 6 tents at the expo and it was cold outside and windy outside, in fact Burlington was warmer than Las Vegas today. I forgot to bring a coat, then I see these Team Canada jackets walking around and I realized I should have wore mine. Doh!!!

I saw a couple of Team Canada jackets, I went over and said hi, it turned out to be the team managers. Next stop was the tents. I picked up some electrolytes, salt tablets, sports drink. Then I stopped at the clothing tent and dropped $258 and pretty much got one of everything. I bought a white jacket, I asked a couple of different people and each thought the white looked good. I need Alice with me, I no longer have a fashion sense, I think I lost it about 20 years ago. I wasn't sure about the white but went with it anyways.

Next stop was lunch at Del Taco for a couple of 5 lb burritos and then back to the room to work on my RCM some more as I waited for Paul to arrive at 3 pm. I was picking him up.

I got Paul, took the long way back to the hotel and hung out as he put his bike together. He has one of those cases, like John Barclay uses, that you have to take apart a lot of the bike. It's not an easy process to un-assembled, pack and unpack and then reassemble. Tonight's dinner plan was to hook up with Barb and Jamie at the Palazzo and go for dinner at Wolfgang Pucks' Cut. Jamie said it was the number two ranked steak house. Paul was invited but hung back to get his bike assembled and relax a bit.

Driving the the hotel was awful. Traffic was bad. I ended up showing up 30 minutes late. I felt bad that they were waiting for me, I think it caused at least Jamie and Barb at least one additional bottle of wine to be drank.

The food was very good, all except for the bone marrow. Jamie heard it was good and ordered some. It was sickening bad. I have no idea how people could give high regards to the bone marrow. It was a good meal and good to hook up with Jamie and Barb. They were doing Vegas right, lots of walking, I think they walked about 4 hours that day.

When the bill came I almost fell off my seat. Three people, nothing special and it was $750. Ughhh.... It was a great meal but when the bill is that big if forces you to get critical. I was going to pay, I owed them a meal, I had no idea it was going to be $900 with tip. Jamie ended up paying, thanks goodness. I'll reciprocate with 3 good meals in Burlington. Alice would have freaked with a $900 bill. Thank you Jamie and Barb.

After dinner Jamie asked if I wanted to go for a walk and have a cigar, I almost said yes. I forgot for a split second that I had a race on Saturday, then I remember I told Paul I'd be back around 7:30 pm to give him the truck to pick something up to eat. Unfortunately I had to bail, I felt bad dinning and dashing.

When I got back to the room it turned out Paul ordered a pizza, I don't blame him, he's still on Eastern Time and I was later than I thought I'd be. We ended up talking, or I ended up talking and Paul listening, poor guy, until past 11 pm. That was around 2 am in the morning for Paul.

Tomorrow's a big day, lots to do.

No Training - Taper.