Major conversation...

I woke up and knew I need to stay on track. There is definitely something wrong though, I looked at my net calories and they are less than what I've burnt, there should be no reason I'm gaining. I'm also having non common bowel movements, not to get to gross. Lots of black and pushing through.

I was at work by 10 am, had a phone call with Abbey and then worked on some triathlon and RCM stuff waiting for Wayne to show up for our 11 am, which he finally showed around 11:30 am. He dropped me and email on Friday he wanted to discuss my compensation so I knew what it was about.

We ended up meeting for near 2.5 hours. Going into the meeting I coached myself to stay as neutral as possible. I tend to make decisions quickly, I'm a doer and often on important decisions that can come to bite me.

The first part of our meeting was focused on operational issues. Wayne was a little upset that nothing has been done by Chris to reduce costs in the plant. I was at the meetings and remember Chris explaining that he felt he is cut to the bone and I mentioned that to Wayne. He then talked about me getting some price increase. I said I don't have any problem going back to customers with increases, my only concern is that we have our house in order and know what are costs are and what products are making or losing money. I don't want to tell a customer we need to increase pricing 10% this month and then have to go back again in 6 months and find out we didn't charge enough. Or give a client a price increase, they leave and later on when we understand our costs we realize that we were making money on them or not doing to badly.

We've had a couple meetings were the next step was for Chris to put together a profit/loss sheet based on his expenses and my projections. Chris hasn't done this. The reason is Chris is very pragmatic and only has so much time and has chosen to focus on getting the work out and customers happy versus getting a spreadsheet done and risking it. In fairness to Chris, both him and I recommended to Wayne on two occasions that he get a person in for a week or 10 days to facilitate it. I told this to Wayne again today. I also said we do not know our product cost and without that data and time and materials how do we know how much more we need to charge customers. This discussion went on for near half or two thirds of our conversation.

Wayne felt he didn't need those numbers to realize the operation was losing money and from a high level thinks we need at minimum double the sales and maybe more. I understood and supported my believe that the sales are coming and mentioned a few accounts and what I'm doing. I told him that I've worked very hard / smart and seeded the field, come February or March we will know how if we are on target to double sales. I also told Wayne that if I was to go back to the customers with price increases that early January would be the time, the Christmas rush is over and leading up to that we can determine our exact costs and collectively come up with a strategy.

Eventually it got to my wage and I asked what he was proposing. Last year as part of my buy out I was paid $100,000 by him. This year I negotiated a base of $150,000 plus commissions and expenses. He was proposing we meeting in the middle at $125,000. I asked him if he was proposing we change the commission structure, he said no. To me that was still somewhat okay, I have about $85,000 in commissions that should be payable this year.

Wayne kept stressing that he's losing about $50,000 per month and accounting is reviewing the numbers ever month and surprised he is supporting the loses. He's concerned because he doesn't know if there is any light at the end of the tunnel and he's writing all the checks. I asked him if he was leaning one way or another, has he made up his mind? He said that he hasn't thrown in the towel yet but if I didn't help it would make the decision a little easier to throw in the towel. I told him that I sacrificed by only taking a $150,000 base and putting the larger portion on commission after $750,000 in sales. I then told him that I haven't even invoice him yet for commissions.

Opps. Then he back tracked and said that he can't see paying me commissions. He said that it would have to be $125,000 with no commission and we'd do a review at the end of February after I've had some time to talk to the clients about price increase and knowing if new clients were coming aboard. He said at that time we'd review it, I got the sense and confirmed after that if things don't look promising he'd have to reduce it more. He also slipped in about me having to potentially do something part time to make up the difference. I shouldn't have bit on that but I did.

My end goal may be to get my own business going and being able to work for him and myself would be ideal. I mentioned to him that my comfort level is $200,000 and if I have no commission what is my incentive to get more work in? How do I make my $200,000. He said we'd review the structure in February and he could only see commission cutting in when he starts making money. Inside I thought that was unreasonable. He then explained that with the low margin in the photo book work that at head office for similar types of jobs they don't pay commissions. That me getting a commission doesn't work for the work and that when he agreed to the salary and commission I proposed he did not have the data to make a good decision and was basing the decision on gut feel and now with the numbers he sees it's not sustainable.

I told him that the haircut is now much bigger than we discussed. It's not $25,000 per year, it's now more like $85,000 per year. As the meeting went on and I was asking questions and I guess didn't seem to pissed off he got more of a back bone. Initially, when he said I'd get commissions, I said that if I did it could we bridge it in. Maybe a $1000 off next months and then $2000 for the one after. He seemed receptive to that. Now time when on and he took away the commission, I asked again if that was still on the table, "he said he'd have to think about it, that that was my suggestion". I recalled him thinking that was acceptable a little earlier.

The net result was on one hand I wondered if I shouldn't have dug so deep and not said too much. On the other hand I wanted to clarify and get his exact position. I bite on his "maybe you need to do something else part-time" and mentioned that that might be a possibility, I need to make $200,000, then eventually he started talking about that if I was doing something else if it took up a lot of my time that it wouldn't be fair for him to pay the full amount. Out of the blue a figure of $50,000 was thrown around. Then he mentioned that he'd prefer me 100% focused on his work and I said I'd prefer that too. I also mentioned to him that I've done a lot of work and that if I left we definitely wouldn't get any of the new business and I'm sure we'd loose one or two of the existing clients because they are spooked.

I asked him that what would happen if at the end of February and he shut the division down, what then for me. He talked about a three month severance period or very good advance notice. I asked him if my salary would be again looked at or effected in February. He said that was still on the table, it would depend on what happened in terms of getting margin up for accounts and new business. I asked him that if the margins were up and the sales were coming in would the commissions structure be added back, he said he didn't see that happening until he started making money. I took some exception and said I understand, yet at the same time he's the owner, there is risks he needs to be prepared to take if he sees a benefit down the road. He seemed to feel that I was not going to get anymore until he got his. I said that if it takes 2 years, which is what it might take to get profitable that he will not pay commissions until that time? He said yes that's correct.

It went around and around. I told him that I understand the situation from a business perceptive, I know he can't continue to lose money and I do know that the $50,000 per month he's suggesting he's loosing is probably accurate or not far off just from my past experience in owning the business. I felt like I'm in a rock and a hard place, if I don't take it I'm not necessarily a team player and he may decide just to shut it all down. Yet at the same time if I do take it I'm fairly confident we will be having this discussion in February after the year end, after I talk to the customers about price increase and after I determine which clients in fact are going to be coming this year. By end of February my value and leverage to him is small.

Yet at the  same time if I do take it or take it without the commission I'm laying over and not sticking to my $200,000 minimum income potential. I did tell him that I negotiated in good faith and had other opportunities and did accept his based on our agreement. I probably should have got more upset at him over that, maybe I still should, we are supposed to talk tomorrow. We'll see if he calls, I'm not going to call him, I don't want to seem desperate.

The reality is I know my days are numbered. He's been somewhat playing me the entire time. I asked for postdate checks and he gave me them up until October and in two weeks I need more. Unless it's just coincidence he planned on having this conversation with me. Now he's reducing with the expectation to talk again in February and he's already laying the pipe for further reductions and even threw an number of $50,000 in the air.

I know Alice and Al are not fans of Wayne. Both don't like how he changes the rules after he commits to something, how he doesn't get back to you promptly, how he dragged on my initial negotiations and his overall style. He pleasant, smooth and somewhat like jello and doesn't want to commit. The sad part is that I told him from day one that this needs to be a tuck in and he need to move our business into one of his existing facilities for it to survive.

If there was any point that I went wrong on the discussion today was that I didn't act more pissed off and disappointed in Wayne. Like, "how could you do this to me, I thought we were both acting in good faith when we did this deal? I had other opportunities I passed up on your word and now you are coming back and changing the rules?"  Perhaps my next discussion with him I need to go through that.

Yet at the same time I don't want to push him to far and him tell me that our days are over. In one way I want to ride things as long as possible. Basically what I see is him pushing me out. If I want to make $200,000 it ain't going to happen with him, he's not even prepared to commit to a commission structure. It's we'll see and in two years if things start making money we will talk. Then it's in February we may reduce your wag further and the part-time came up a couple time and I bit on it, which I probably shouldn't have.

I wonder what would happen if I dug my heels in and said "No", you agreed to it and I expect you to live up to it or terminate the agreement and I'll go my way and you go yours. Or do I even push that hard, or do I say look I have this option and let's finalize something that will be the worst case in February or lets review the costs and come up with a commission structure based on the increasing prices and sales. I don't think it's reasonable that I don't get any commission until we are profitable, which sales guy would be think that's an incentive. If I accepted his deal what I'm saying is my incentive is to keep a job and I've got no teeth or options.

Yet at the same time I'm not in a position to start my own business yet. I still have some planning and sales calls to do, I have not accounts yet. I'm still not sure if it will work. I don't want to cut off my face to spite my face. My nature is to want to put a bow on everything and be upfront in my negations. Should I do this here or just accept it is over in February and play the game with Wayne and in February take another hit and build my business behind his back and chalk it up to "what's good for the goose is good for the gander". Wayne's taking care of himself and maybe I should look at it the same cold way and say I need to take care of myself, if he doesn't want to give me the straight good then he should expect the same from me".

It's funny, Alice and Al see Wayne differently than I have. I agree with them, I guess I look for the positive in a person and put myself in his position. I guess I wished I had employees that did that too. He was very nervous about taking to me in the beginning and by the end of the conversation he was bold about not being to flexible. Was that because I was too accommodating. We left the conversation at talking tomorrow.

After the meeting and some work I left the office, it was around 3:30 pm and I hadn't eaten. I felt there was a solution somewhere. I also realized that Wayne has a motive, he's pushing this to a direction he's already made in his mind or thinks will happen in his mind. I think after today's meeting I'm starting to feel differently about Wayne. He keeps changing the rules, even on the commission was a rule changer. I thought if I would have kept my mouth shut after he said he'd pay me commission that maybe he'd miss how much it was going to be. I did tell him over and over that I believe in the business, I've worked hard and I believe the sales will come I don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Again, do I push or do I just eat it, let him win and start planning for my future doing the bare minimum?

Body wise I'm messed. I didn't eat today and I'm so bloated. When got home I didn't over eat and after dinner told Alice I need to clear my head, let's go for a drive. We drove around and talked more about it. Prior to I wanted to call or email Wayne and say lets talk I have issues. I didn't I knew that was ego based and not smart. I'm glad we went out. I stopped and picked up a large Crystal light Slurpee and then a coffee. I did not take a pee after, I just kept growing. I could hardly breathe, there is definitely something wrong with my system. I'm sure I gain 10 lbs of water in the last 3 days. This is insane, I can't figure it out.

I did tell Alice that this is now real. I've had 18 months of semi-retirement and now it's coming to me that I"m going to have to focus and get back to work for a living. The timing is the best it's ever been. I'm ready to work and mentally know I need to commit. I've also done so much in triathlon that there is nothing more for me other than to stay fit and not gain weight.

My BIGGEST concern is gaining weight again. Right, wrong or indifferent my mental health and self confidence relies on my having my weight under control. The last thing I want to happen is history repeat itself and start my new business and gain weight and get out of shape for another 16 years. Alice thinks I'm also depressed right now, she noticed I'm down. I agree. Even today I lessened up on my medication. I really think that the beer I drank that weekend really screwed my internal system up and the concussion was just the icing on the cake. I'm actually in the frame of mind that drinking beer is no longer important to me like it used to be. My neighbour suggested we get together to party after Nevada, I'm not so interested. It will effect me mentally and physically.

When we got home I was telling Alice I can't let this thing beat me. I need to stay positive. I need to defeat it and stay on top. Me freaking out and drinking or eating or stressing so much that I move in the wrong direction screws up everything I've accomplished. I need to build on what I've done over the last 4.5 years. I'm already feeling I'm on the cusp of going in the wrong direction and I'm only 8-10lbs away from back to weight balance. It's not too far away.

Alice also recognized that training wise I'm burnt out. She said I don't have the same level of motivation I had before. She's right. In order to keep my motivation I'm needing a day of recovery. I think the big thing is I haven't taken much break time in the last 2.5 years, maybe more. Many pros, including Mark Allen talk about doing unstructured training for a period. I can't remember the last time I did unstructured training.

I was somewhat motivated when I got home and decided to try to go for a run. My schedule had a bike today but with my meeting with Wayne I couldn't do it before work and it was too dark after I got home and I WILL NOT ride indoors for more than 1 hour max. Instead I decided to do tomorrows run today. It was the Ironman program and a 1:15 run, I was thinking 1:00 was good and it was a good time to run because my legs were still semi-sore from yesterdays long run, even though I wore compression tights all day. Running on sore legs will either help or hurt. I decided to take the chance.

Starting the run was hard, my gut was hurting, hernia style. Weird. At the 22 minute point I hit the mental wall. Physically it was hurting, I ran through it, then just mentally near fell apart. In addition, I was hardly sweating which made no sense. Something is so screwed up with my body and I have no idea what it is.

I decided to turnaround and cut the run short to 45 minutes. The upside was at least I did some training. I've got 18 more days until ITU's and this week is the last full week then a two week taper begins. I'm doing my absolute best to finish strong. Lots of stuff to deal with right now and my motto right now is "I will not be defeated".

I am realistic, I told Alice it looks like Roth is off the table for next year with Wayne cutting my base and removing the salary and me having to start my own business. I'll have to check to see if I can get a refund or partial. Alice seemed relieved. I also told her that time I spend blogging will definitely have to stop. She was relieved with that too, I think she's ready for me to stop or greatly reduce my blogging.

We'll also have to tighten up on our discretionary spending. At the same time I'm going to figure this out, I'm going to make it work.

I'd be very curious for feedback regarding the situation with Wayne and what your take is and what you would do? Whew, long post. All the more reason to pass along feedback, I'm really curious.

Mod Run - 45:30 / 8.37 km / 5:25 / 128 avg hr
1767 Calories.