Brain dead...

The best way to describe myself today was my brain was a bag of hammers. I didn't get to bed until 2:30 am last night and only got about  5 hours of sleep. When your bipolar, you need your sleep, nothing screws up my brain like lack of sleep.

I knew when I woke up I doubted I was going to train, I was having trouble just getting motivated to shower. I woke up around 7 am and couldn't fall back asleep. I spent at least a couple hours talking with Al Nolan on the phone about my brothers company. Today was the day the receiver was supposed to come in and we were speculating on what's coming next.

At 1 pm I decided to shower and at least attempt to go to work and if I felt okay I'd try to slip in a swim. I wanted to bike as well. Frankly, I don't mind biking and can normally do it in any condition, the only problem I have right now is the weather, I'm sick of the colder weather. It was about 2C today, which means I need to spend about 20 minutes bundling up before riding. It's not a fun thing to do.

I also weighted in at 189 lbs today. I was a little disappointed. I'm hoping it will be less tomorrow. Even though I've been on a one plus week bender, I haven't been snacking. I think my real weight is about 186 - 187 lbs. I do feel puffy and bloated.

Going to work was a good thing, it just so happened that number two man was there and it always helps in my negotiations for the company to see I'm applying myself. Then later in the day, Rino, the Sales VP gave me a call at my desk and I answered it. I wonder if he was checking up on me.

Rino was telling me that since our trip to San Francisco, I got him back training and he's lost 18 lbs since then, he wanted to thank me. When he initially called he was on speaker phone and I didn't know who it was, so I kept asking, "who is this", and he played it up. He eventually said, "Rino", I then said, "damn man, it's tough to recognize your voice without your snoring".

The one key thing for me is I don't lack confidence around these guys. I constantly make fun of them and if I'm in the board room I relax in the chair, put my sneakered feet up when I'm talking to them, it's important not to let them think your not your own man or brown nosing. I know for a fact no one deals with them this way, it keeps them on their toes and I'm confident in my abilities. It's important to set the tone. I'm not a jerk, just extremely confident. Even if I wasn't, I'd fake it until I make it.

Rino mentioned that him and Wayne were getting together at 4 pm to review my business plan, I mentioned to him that I'm also working on a couple more and one of our big customers, Lulu, wants to make sure everything is on track with me, I mentioned that to Rino. The customer even offer to call on my behalf. I eased that one into the conversation with Rino, saying to the customer, "don't worry, these are good dudes, I'm sure it will all work out, but thanks anyway".

I did get one thing done today, the big job of doing my expense report for my business and AG. It took a couple of hours. On the way home I spoke to my brother, he was waiting for the receiver to come in. I couldn't even remember the questions I wanted to ask him during our conversation, my brain was fried. I told him to call me back when he found out what's happening and I told him to make sure he has bus fare if they take away his company car.

When I got home, I ate and then fell asleep for a couple hours. I needed that sleep desperately, when I woke up I felt much better. I eventually heard from my brother and if the receiver can't find a deal with someone that wants to buy them, there's on on the table now, then they will liquidate. I'm sick to my stomach, after 15 years a 16 million dollar business is going bankrupt. I'd never in a million years think this would have happened to my brother. At one point, he took his finger off the switch and that combined with the decline of the printing industry put that business in receivership. Mostly him though. It's a long and twisted story.

By the time I was starting to feel a little better it was near bed time, no training. I didn't care, it gives me more time to recover. I know some of my bloating was from last weekends big training weekend and I want to make sure I'm ready for this weekends big training weekend. I was on the computer for a little while tonight looking for cheap warm destination sales, if I could find something really cheap in the U.S., I was thinking of going there for a mini-training camp. This cold is just too much. For sure next year, I'm not doing any races until Mid June or beyond.

One last thing, my Vintage 1982 Ironman Shirt I won off ebay arrived today. 1982 was the first year that the Ironman came to Kona, it was also the year that Julie Moss had her epic finish that the entire world saw on TV and propelled Ironman into the public consciousness. I'm going to frame it and put it into the Pig & Whistle.

No Training - Brain Dead